Why are "Polish" and "polish" spelled the same? The word is a homophone.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

27

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why couldn't JImmy walk to school? A:Jimmy is in a wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

what do you call a Ukranian woman without a visa? my maid

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Q: What kills millions of people each year and sneaks up behind you unexpectedly? A: HIV/AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What's worse than finding mold on your cheese? Getting Raped

thumb_up thumb_down +30

ROSS G IS OBESE

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A Christian, a Jew and a Muslim fly in an airplane. They all reach safely to their destination and have a lovely vacation.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Whats the square root of x^2? Variables cant be gay

thumb_up thumb_down +30

what happened to the fat lady she went on a diet and is now skinny but she cant resist mcdonalds big macs so she quickly become fat

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Whats 9 + 10? 19

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What do you call someone who is blind and deaf? Dumb.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

There is a secret society known as Grandma Elbow. What happened to the boy who tried to leave it? All of his limbs were ripped off and fed to a man eating shark by the name of Nigel Tommy Baker. It didn't hurt that much because the boy was forced into eating the waste products of a donkey before this happened. NEVER LEAVE GRANDMA ELBOw!

thumb_up thumb_down +28

what happens when a Texan see's a black guy? he says howdy

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Where do black jews go? The back of the oven

thumb_up thumb_down +28

GOOD AFTERNOON KIND SIR OR MADAM THIS IS THE KUNDALINI EXPRESS MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What do you get when you cross a grizzly bear and a dolphin? Well, the odds of these two animals mating are slim to none. Due to the undeniable fact that dolphins live in the ocean primarily in the warmer tropical waters and grizzly bears live on land in the pacific northwest where the water would be too cold for the dolphin anyway. The dolphin would be swimming around avoiding sharks and the bear would probably be eating a salmon. But if they did breed you would get a dolphinbear. Although a dolphinbear would have a very low chance of survival given it's part dolphin. Dolphins are pussies.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What is 18 inches long and makes a woman scream all night? Crib death.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the man drink water? Because he was thirsty

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the chandelier fall on the little boy? Hell if I know, the only person who saw it got hit by a chandelier and died.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A seven year-old boy was jumping on a trampoline. He landed awkwardly and broke his ankle. This then became infected and caused him to be permenantly paralysed.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

cut it out ..but i dont have a scissor

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops