A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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OH NO, ZOMBIES!!!!!!!!!!

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.

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What's cold and icy? Ice

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Why couldn't the boy see his sick mother? Because he was blind

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Q. On a scale of 1-100, how immature are you? A. 69.

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can't wait until the baby boomers die

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roses are cows violets are oranges im mental are you too

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How many Coldplay members can you fit in a car? All of them, the standard car has four seats or more. Coldplay has 4 members so it makes perfect logical sense

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2 peanuts were walking down the street, one was a salted .. the other was raped

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What's black on top and white on bottom? Rape.

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What is annoying and orange? An annoying orange.

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what did the robot say to the centipede. Stop being a centipede!!!! Its funny because robots have arms.

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This is a humorous joke, you will laugh.

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Person 1: What did the woman say when - Person 2: I know! It doesnt matter, shes a woman

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From SpongeBob SquarePants "Hey Patrick, wanna know what's funnier than 24??" - SpongeBob "What?" - Patrick " 25!!!!" - SpongeBob There are a lot of things that are funnier than 24 though.

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Q: What's the best way to get a woman to stalk talking? A: Ask them nicely.

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Whats long and hard on a black man..... 2nd grade

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women playing football?

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Woman's rights.

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A Higgs Boson walks into a church. The priest says “We don’t allow Higgs Bosons in here.” The Higgs Boson replied, “Well, without me, you can’t have mass.”

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roses are red, violets are red, my garden is on fire

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minecraft

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what do you call a stupid chav? Gifted

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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