Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks... ...into an alleyway to have a quick smoke before entering the bar his friends went in.

thumb_up thumb_down

Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Your mumma's so ugly. Period.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

A baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

wow garlic, yum

thumb_up thumb_down +29

yaa tsi tsup ari dik ari dull an dik ari dill an dits tan dool la dippyduppy dull la roop uttyroopy la goorigan gook aya gittygangool arup cha cha adippydappydill la baritztandill lan den lan doe a barik kata barip pari baribadeebadeebadee standen lan doe ya baril las ten lan day a doe la babadeadevadevadevaduv ya vou what is that little las day lan doe badakadagadaga doo doo day a doe

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why was 6 afraid of 7? *cause 7 8 9? NO cause 7 was a n**ga!

thumb_up thumb_down -146

What does a lonely man do on opposite day? Lick his dog's penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

A man walks into a bar. The other two ducked, and then immediately called an ambulance.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What's green and has wheels? Grass, I was lying about the wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

only in america: does pizza arrive at your house faster than an ambulence do banks leave their doors open and chain their pens to the desks people put their usless junk in the garage and thier expensive cars in the driveway

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is black.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

OMG I NEED FRESH WATER

thumb_up thumb_down -52

If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress? Regress.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why does god never feel anger? Because you need to exist to have feelings.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A horse walks into a bar... it was accompanied by a blind man for it was a seeing eye pony and the bartender who was not tolerant to blind people turned away the man causing him to recieve dirty glances from the kindly patrons of the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What did Lebron James say to Brad Pitt? "What's up, Brad?"

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why was Rosa Parks forced to sit on the back of the bus? All the other seats were taken....

thumb_up thumb_down -24

whats funny? small ginger girls who die there head red, then it turns ginger again

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q:What do they call her? A: They call her love,

thumb_up thumb_down -33

A blond and a brunette fall off a cliff. Who hits the ground first? Neither. They hit the ground at the exact same time due to the laws of physics

thumb_up thumb_down -99

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't rob a bank. That's a felony.

thumb_up thumb_down -111

Q: What's black and can crash into you A: a black guy in a car

thumb_up thumb_down +114

A man calls customer service. A man in India helps him with his problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops