- Anti Joke

Will my son live, doctor? No because you don't have a son and I am not a doctor

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Someone threw a fridge at her...

Why didn't the man kiss his wife. Because he had no lips.

Roses are grey Violets are grey Everything is grey I'm colorblind

You play the piano? What more can you do? Sounds complicated but try me.

Roses are red. I had no clue. I like pie. So screw you.

Whats worst than a worm in you apple? 2 worms in your apple. Whats worst than two worms in your apple? An apple in your Worm. Whats worst than that? I don't know plenty of international tragedies such as plane crashes, and please don't say the holocaust. I was going to say 2 apples in your worm.

A man waltzes into a bar, waving a carrot in the air. With an arrogant air of self-importance he flops onto a highchair at the bar. Looka here, looka here, he says to the bartender, waiving the carrot at the man. Will you buy me drinks all night, if I can make this carrot... Never mind, and please leave my bar, the bartender says, pulling out a carrot from under the counter. I've got one myself.

Why did the chicken cross the road? There was a large dog on its side of the road attempting to harass it.

An English couple walk int a Portuguese bar. They never see their daughter again.

DOWN

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? I don't know, I don't look when he bends over because I don't like him like that. He's just a friend, that's all.

Why did the Mexican cross the border? He was being deporting because he over stayed his visa and is now an illegal immigrant

Roses are red violets are blue I have a pie would you like some?

Not as much as a psychopath, I mean I feel sick as hell and getting out of here would be a welcome change, I am simply pissed, I mean not even Major Dumbass here deserves half the treatment Nero underwent, but lets put that away. Yeah you have been told where we are at huh? I can come get you, I have not changed much, except I might not exactly be much of a good shoulder to cry on, but I suppose it will do if you want, since I know you, I am the least of a merc you will find around, besides you know, I did always remind you and myself of your old man, sorry I just left, I am sure you understand its not fun to play second banana... Well not that you and him apparently, nor you and me, okay never mind about that, I just welcome a change of pace that`s all, I mean one thing is killing some assholes, another thing is this torture thing, but I wont stop my men, and a certain twisted woman from doing what they obviously love, as you might have read beforehand, it could come most useful. If it is worth something, I cant even stare at these things, but I wont lie, I ordered it. Lookie at me, trying to sound nice and pleasant around you, listen I appreciate if I can come pick you up myself, I might not be much of a listener nor all that, but I need to at least find out if I am truly becoming a psychopath here, if I am, I am pretty much screwed. I mean we are all angry here, but yeah. Sorry to say you have to decipher the codes in order to contact us in the future trough our little system, (procedure safety protocols and such yadayada) but I can get someone to pick you up during the next seven hours or so, and I am seriously and honestly not in the mood for anything... Fancy, so I suggest a hotel room or something, as I know that little shack of you is neither safe nor pleasant (which makes it the perfect hiding place ironically, I wish that damn mastermind was alive today, Nero would have changed the world without it even knowing it given the chance (not saying he did not but you know) I wont lie, I am kinda nervous seeing you again, then again I just threw up for the last time. Since there is no coding here whatsoever, its just what it says, I suggest that you do not respond if there is no problem if I pick you up, and believe me, you do not want to wait here, I mean it is my deal to supervise all of this, but if nothing else, let me come get you since I am not exactly proving to be much of a leader when it comes to this torture thing (clean shot to the head is more my style apparently) and well, what can I say, I am hungry and the food dont stay down here so I cannot wait to find a good excuse to get the hell out of here. Sorry, chatting almost as much as your late old man (he was always better at mindfuck and cracking jokes while dodging gunfire though, fearless bastard), seven hours, I need my 3 hours after all of this, and since you are quite beautiful and I have had to see a completely new side of some of my "men" today i think it is definitively better that I get you in person just in case. (actually our "lady" here, is the worst sadist but you get my point). Who and what is this Metal Gear Solid btw? I always told your old man that playing videogames rather than practicing would get him killed some day, but hell, I think I am joking, the man had so high fever they had to go get a thermometer which could register higher degrees of cold and then heat, and as far as we got from our point, he fought like a true soldier, and then the damn Spetz brought on their Nazi brothers keeping us occupied. Did I mention that General Dumbass here was the one supposed to lead the charge? I told your late old man that he should wait, but Nero rarely got that cold stare man, its as if he told me right there and then "You know that son of a bitch is never going to turn up", honestly I would have gone in there first if I could, but Nero well, while we have no idea how he was standing (he kept having trouble distinguishing reality from fever stuff) I honestly think he knew he was going to die anyway, because these bastard doctors apparently told us he was going to be fine when he was alive, then changed their story, I hope you do not mind we killed em all, had they been honest, maybe Nero would have stayed home, yeah we all know that is a lie, on the bright side Nero knew he was a goner, your bio-dad wrote the last words for him, and yeah, Nero charged forward before the old reaper could get him. I need to get sleep first, I am dead tired which would leave me chatting ten times as much and as fast as I am typing. Seth Nothing Never knew my parents, was raised by my older sister which for some reason refused to tell me my real or last name, and I thought that would make me a sissy... Well compared to some here I am.

Why did Adele suck the doctors dick? LOL, did you think the doctor really got her to open her mouth all the time so he could "look at her sick throat"

What di the wrecking ball say to the house? Duck!!!

So I'm balls deep in this turkey dinner....... then i proceed to ejaculate into it and ruin my family's Thanksgiving along with their perception of me.

What is an old ginger lady's favorite type of bread? Whole wheat.

There was an old man from Limerick. He was of scottish ancestry and nearing his 76th birthday.

Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

Why did the boy commit suicide? Because he was bullied at school and felt it was the right decision.

What is funnier than dead babies? Dead babies aren't funny, Carlos Mencia and Tom Bergeron are funny.

Why are black people faster than white people? They are descended from a lineage where athleticism was more greatly selected for in the evolutionary process.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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