Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What are the things that define you? The things that define you.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blood is red also Nothing else is blue

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Q: What's worse than burning your tongue on hot chocolate. A: Getting shanked by a homeless man

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Why is Justin beaber so white? Because his mother and father both are.

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We're out of mustard, so in your sandwich I used some yellow liquid dripping from a dying rhinoceros.

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austins gay lolololol

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What iz stupid? Hibiyav

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A baby seal walks into a club...

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alert('hiiii');

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girls are a lot like trees, they fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe

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Knock, knock. Who's there? FBI. The female body inspectors? No, the female bawdy inspectors.

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Friend: I said pass the juice, not gas the jews! Hitler: Oh.

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YOLO

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guns don't kill people. casey anthoney kills people.

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What has nine arms and sucks? An appendage-rich octopus with an inhaling habit.

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Situation: A bear is cutting a sunflower's hair Question: How many kangaroos does it take to do surgery on a meatball? Answer: Tomato. Because zebras eat twelve kiwis in a factory every February 29th.

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when life gives you 100 reasons to cry, you should cry. you're lucky you haven't killed yourself at this point

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What is the way to a woman's heart? Through her chest cavity.

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A student goes up to the teacher because he has to go to the washroom. The teacher tells him that he has to sing the ABC's before he can go. So the boy sings, "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ." The teacher said he did a perfect job and could go to the washroom. The boy went on to become a billionaire. Congrats!

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what do you call a cat that talks a talking cat

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Blarg

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Knock, knock. Come in!

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Why did the man throw the clock out the window? The man's loving family had recently been murdered, and the clock was a constant reminder of their mortality, as it had served as the center of those horrific events.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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