Babies are like landmines; when you step on them they explode.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

so he says "aaahhh". then i threw a fridge at him

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Roses are red Violets are blue This line doesn't rhyme Neither does this one.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What was the dying Raccoons last words? I don't want to die.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why do cows have tails? Because my pet rock stopped breathing.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What's meaner than taking a candy from a baby? Tossing the baby of a cliff

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What do you call a box with a dead Jew in? A coffin.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What did one guy say to the other guy?? Well he just hi but hi backwards is ih and that reminded him of his days in Nahm because that's what his Sargent said and that reminded him of ice-cream because his Sargent smelled like ice-cream and that reminded him of the song that the ice-cream played which reminded him of Disney world which reminded him of a priest raping little boys which mad him laugh because that reminded him of a Jew picking up a penny which reminded him of Osama be shot in the f**k**g face and that reminded him to say how are you to the other guy.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because once it had inadvertently escaped the farm it was being kept on it was startled and with no concept of road and pavement happened to traverse a road, with no real motive.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Jokes are funny.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

I like my coffee like I like my women Without a penis

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Roses are Grey, Violets are Grey, Everything's Grey, I am a Dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did jack smell smoke in his neighborhood? His house burnt to the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why was Adam sad his dog got ran over? He was holding the dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

so a guy says to his doctor "it hurts when i touch my leg" the doctor replies "but we cut it of last week" he promptly died with an infection in his leg

thumb_up thumb_down +24

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A Jew, a Mexican, and a Black guy all walk into a bar. Bartender says: "Get the f*ck out."

thumb_up thumb_down +22

cot!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

what did Johnny get for Halloween. ebola

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How do you spell Madeleine Mccann? I A N

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How do you make a dog drink? You put the dog in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops