A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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so a guy says to his doctor "it hurts when i touch my leg" the doctor replies "but we cut it of last week" he promptly died with an infection in his leg

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Why was Adam sad his dog got ran over? He was holding the dog.

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Roses are Grey, Violets are Grey, Everything's Grey, I am a Dog.

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How do you spell Madeleine Mccann? I A N

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what did Johnny get for Halloween. ebola

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How do you make a dog drink? You put the dog in a blender

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A Jew, a Mexican, and a Black guy all walk into a bar. Bartender says: "Get the f*ck out."

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What's brown and sticky? Poo

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple.

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There was a man who bought a cat. He fed it well. It got so fat.

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how do you stop a speeding car? Put your foot on the brake

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Why are white people typically not as good at basketball as black people? They don't have the hard work and dedication as those who are better.

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Q: Whats worse than having a dead car battery? A: Going to prison and getting raped by a black guy

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1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

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what's white on top and black on the bottom? Society

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Roses are red violets are red, the grass is red Holy crap! My yard is on fire!

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How do you make a kids fall off a swing? Throw an axe at them

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Why was the little girl lying on the floor. Because she got shot.

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Q: Your arms are tied and bleeding from your face, a bull is charging at you, a catapult launches a bunch of rottweilers with rabies straight at your face, a nuclear bomb right next to you is five seconds from exploding, and my teleportation device ia right next to you, what do you do? A: You start by getting your own damn teleportation device! The hell ill let you bleed on mine!

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Sup homie G. Shutup you are not black.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I own a lawn mower Can you swim?

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What is the best way to put out a fire? Stop, drop and have an orgy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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