A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

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what is the difference between a black person and a picnic bench? A picnic bench can support a family.

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A: Ask me if im a fire hydrant. B: Are you a fire hydrant? A: No...

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What's worse than losing your phone? 9/11

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Brian Singmaster. Look him up, he's cute.

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Why can't Hank swim? Hank is a rock

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Fuck her

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Why aren't jokes funny in base 8? Because 7, 10, 11.

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What do a baker and gynecologist have in common? They can smell it, but they can't eat it.

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2

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A boy walks into a haunted cematery. Zombies eat him.

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Why didn't the boy run the marathon? He was cripple.

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whats funny? ebola and 911

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Whats worse than getting in a 30 MPH car accident? Getting in a 40 MPH car accident.

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What do you call an insect that has 8 legs? A spider.

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What did the passive-aggressive woman do to her husband? She killed him. As it turns out, the slight passive-aggressive behavior she was showing was actually an early warning sign of a dangerous sociopathic mental disorder. The authorities are looking for her as we speak.

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a man walks into a bar..... the man pulls out a gun and robs the place as he is exiting he bumps into a child the child falls in the street and is crushed by a bus. the bus in an attempt to avoid the child swerves and hits a maternity clinic next to a gas station that promptly explodes. the robber so distraught he trys to shoot himself but the gun misfired and the man was arrested and was raped repeatedly in prison...he now has aids...

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Goon Bear+Homo= Corey Jacobs True Story

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Knock Knock Who is it? Me, I forgot my keys on the way out oh ok...

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Happiness is just at the end of the road... Just take a look at how long that road is yeah i wouldnt even try

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How many beans are in a soup? Who cares i'm starving, Lets Eat!!!

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me:I will trade you 5 dollars for 10 dollars blond: Okay! me: ...

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Q: Who won the fight of two black guys and a white guy? A: The black and white guy because two is better than one.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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