Jack and Jill climb a tall hill to get some water from the well for there farther who has been working in the fields. Jack trips and hits his hell on a rock and Jill promptly calls 911 and stays with him until help arrives.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Connor "Rusty" McLeod

thumb_up thumb_down +58

What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette? The pigmentation of their hair follicles.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

A Jew, a lesbian, and an Muslim walk into a bar. The bartender then cards them and sends them out because they're all under 21.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Knock Knock Whose there? Yes I am a convicted child molester and by state law I must go door-to-door explaining the many cruel and vigorous crimes I have committed.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

If you say gullible over and over again, it sounds like stupidity.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What's your name? You tell me.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Why did the blind man commit suicide? Cause his wife was so ugly he went blind and become depressed a shot himself...twice.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

What do you say to the man with lopsided balls? I am terribly sorry, your condition has most certainly left you socially alienated and confused.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

???????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? I cant make a good joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

two philosophers stood in silence at the foot of a very large mountain; a mountain not only too high to climb, but also too wide to walk around. So the first philosopher finally speaks: "...so, what do you do for a living?"

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Q: What do you call an elephant between two buildings? A: An elephant between two buildings, and the question of how the elephant got there

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Why was the woman poor at driving? Because she had not yet passed her driving test.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Who the hell named a blue flower "violet"?

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Why did the man go to the restaurant? Because he wanted to get some food.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What do you say to a black man who is in your house at night-time, carrying your television? Sir, may you please put down the television as it belongs to me and I worked hard to earn the money to buy it. If you do not I will have to contact the authorities to deal with you in a correct and fair manner.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

How do you get a movie star to go out with you? Blackmail.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

The chicken came before the egg. Because eggs are an unborn chicken, and it is impossible for an unborn chicken to ejaculate.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What did the pornstar say to the priest? i DO porn

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A Mexican walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Roses are red, Violets are blue, sorry i gave you Herpes type 2.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops