Guy walks into a bar and half his head is an orange. Barman: What can i get.. holy shit half your head is an orange!! How did that happen?? Guy: Magic Lamp, rubbed it, three wishes etc etc. Barman: What in the bejesus were your three wishes, half your head is an orange. Guy: First Wish – I wished for every woman in the world to love me. Barman: Right, that is ok. What was your second wish? Guy: Second Wish – I wished that I was a billionaire. Barman: What in the hell was your third wish half your head is a frickin orange? Guy: It was a silly wish. I dot wanna say: Barman: Go on tell me, I’ll give you a drink. Guy: OK well for my third wish I wished that half my head was an orange.

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What do you call a blonde with one leg? Heather Mills

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Roses are red Violets are blue Fvck this poem I'll just go play video games.

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josh roberts goes into churches and forces them to listen and go by his religious opinion until they cry

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Junior's love life.

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What doesn't kill you makes you...... A paraplegic

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Hey, you know what'd be funny? A guy having a seizure saying, "Help I'm having a seizure!"

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A girlfriend scolds her boyfriend for "sitting on anti-joke all day." He then explains how it is impossible to sit on something that exists purely in digital form and instead noted it would be more correct to say sitting at a desk all day. She compiled and saw the error of her ways.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, This one doesn't.

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What's winnie the pooh's middle name? the

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Roses are red and blue Violets are red and blue Those 3D glasses really suck.

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The horse's name was Friday

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A zookeeper, a shoemaker, and a guy named Billy Jones walks into a bar. The bartender says "sorry, we closed". So they left.

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What do u call 4 black men in a car? A: carpooling

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I am just not using any mentalism nor any of those techniques anymore that is all, is it alright if I call you now?

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Dad: "When I was your age, I had to walk outside to catch the school bus. If it snowed heavily the night before, school was canceled."

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why did phil ruin the patio furniture? because he wasnt familiar with the grammar technique used

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room, he then relieves a nervous father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happiness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with the rest of what he had to relay to the father. Your wife died during the delivery.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it felt like it.

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Why did Cam newton win the heisman? Wait Cam Newton won the heisman?

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Three bears take a bath Red bear asks for the shampoo Blue bear wants the soap Wait... That's not a joke, that's a Haiku

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What was the blind man doing at the movies? He was on a date.

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knock knock. whos there? ............... stupid kids

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Whats big white and can't climb trees? A Fridge. Whats red and bad for your teeth? A Brick.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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