I'm not wearing underwear Why not Cause I have built in underwear

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Roses Are Red Lemons are sour, open up your legs and give me an hour

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Why did the tomato blush? It didn't - red is the natural colour for ripe tomatoes.

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Q:What did the policemen say to the other policemen? A:Safe

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Yo Mommas so poor, when i went to her house and started to clear out the cob webs, she said why the heck are you tearing down the curtains.

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what is black, white, and red all over? A bloody panda

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why did the fox jump over the pen ? it was tuesday

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What did the father tell his son on his death bed? Nothing. He was hit by a car and was now a vegetable.

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boobs

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Q: What did the Goth-Punk girl write on her test for the question "What are three kinds of rock?" A: Igneous, Sedimentary, & Metamorphic, She is a 4.0 Geology Major attending a respectable University. She simply chooses to express herself through the musical and clothing trends that emerged in 1970's English underground music. In reality it her personal preferences in the aforementioned areas have no bearing on her intellectual or academic standing.

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Rebecca Black.

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What do you call a black guy in space? An astronaut

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Why did Dave not hug his wife? Because she looked horrifying from the Iraq war.

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Hey, want to hear a joke? Women's Rights

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What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her? They gave her a stern talking to and then grounded her for a couple days.

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Friends are like trees. They fall down when you hit them with an ax.

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A dyslexic pimp buys a warehouse.

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-How do you pull a prank on Helen Keller? -Stick a plunger in the toilet!

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Why did the little boy cry? His entire family was shot and killed at his elementary school play.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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Why was the woman convicted or arson? She set her house on fire. Why did she set her house on fire? Her husband was beating her.

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Knock knock Who's there? What.

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What do you call a douche with no arms or legs? A device for washing out the vagina as a contraceptive measure.

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How do you find a needle in a haystack? You don't, you're too distracted by the pile of adorable kittens next to it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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