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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor Wheres my tractor?

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Before Marriage: Boy: Ah at last. I can hardly wait. Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No don't even think about it. Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of Course. Always have and always will. Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: Never. Why are you even asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get. Girl: Will you hit me? Boy: Hell no. Are you crazy? Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yes. Girl: Darling! After Marriage: (Read from bottom to top)

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Roses are gray Violets are gray I really wish That I wasn't color blind

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Q: What happens after you have sex with Michelle Obama? A: You wake up and kill yourself.

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Roses are red. Violets are red. Daisies are red. WHY IS MY GARDEN ON FIRE?

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What's more irritating than a half eaten apple? Some prick taking up half the page with shitty copy and past routine.

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Dwarf Shortage

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What do you call a gay kid, a horrible singer, and has long hair for a guy? Justin Bieber

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Why doesn't Austin have sex? Because when his wife gets hot he puts dirt on her and hits her with a shovel

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A man walks into a bar and sees an attractive blonde. He is afraid of talking to her so he goes home and masterbates himself to sleep.

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why did the baby fall down the steps? Because there was big earth quake that blocked his parents on the other side of the house, therefor leaving no one capable of getting to him befor falling

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Knock Knock Sadly the old woman was death and didn't hear the door knock.

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what do you get when you cross a turkey with a goat? nothing you can't cross to genetically different spieces stupid

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Why is Skrillex bad at fishing? Because he always increases the treble input in his songs, and he doesnt have a rod.

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Why did the woman come out of the kitchen? She didn't.

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How can you get a handicap black man to walk again? You don't...... Unless you motivate him with fried chicken. Anti-anti-joke!

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A dog was dying on the side of the road. I drove 50 meters ahead and saw it again. I was on shrooms.

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How are this and that alike? They aren't.

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what looks, smells, and sounds like red paint? blue paint, I lied about it being red

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Q. Why did the man get an email? A. Because he checked his inbox.

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What time is it? It depends in your location and time zone

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What's the difference between Marvin Gay and George Straight. They are two different people

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Dear Six, Please stop spreading rumors about me and nine. I hear you two also do some pretty nasty things. Love, Seven.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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