whats the same between a mouse and an elephant? They are both small except for the elephant

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the jew put a parking meter on his roof.? ....So santa would have to pay to park.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A black guy and a white girl are having sex. The white girl screams "I'm pregnant!!!!" The black guy says "i'll help you take care of it" "I love you sweetie and nothing will come between us"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at him genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man walks into the bathroom. He dumps cat shit all over the floor

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A Catholic, a Protestant, and a Jew are stranded in the middle of the ocean on a raft. They all die of dysentery.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Pickup line: Hey babe, do you know what time it is? Because I don't wanna be late for class and if you told the time, it will surely help me because I'll be able to arrive early at my class not to mention it would greatly improve my punctuality efforts to help me pass the class this semester. Geez, I remember back in middle school there was a guy name Billy Jones and he used to always be late for class. His name was Billy but we called him Bill. Bill was his nickname but his real name was Billy. Anyways, he was always late for class because he would always make the best barbecue ribs in town.... (45 minutes later...) ....and I told Bill, "Man, if you were to just ask what time it was it would greatly help you in arriving to class early." And he was was like "I know but..."And then I cut him off and I said "But nothing. I don't care what kind of barbecue ribs you make, you just can't do that." So there I was, me and him, sitting down and .... (3 hours later...) ...it was awesome. Boy, I remember back in the early 90's when I was at elementary school, it was a stormy weather and we had to go to class. That's when I met Clarissa. She was a really nice girl and I remember there was a time when... (to be continued....)

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was the kindergartener crying in the corner? His family was poor and his father abused him.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A horse and a penguin and a kangaroo come into a bar and order drinks from the bartender, who later gets fired for taking acid while working.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

An Irishman, a Zimbabwean and a South African walk into a bar... oh wait, it's just the English cricket team.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: why did the chicken cross the road? A: toothpaste

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

whats worst then geting a used condom put in your mouth geting wraped by mario then lugi

thumb_up thumb_down +3

knock knock, who's there me me who he opens the door a kills yo

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A dinosaur is walking down the street. He is soon confronted by a human. The human says to the dinosaur, "Hey, your a dinosaur." Which the dinosaur replies with, "Yes, yes i am." The dinosaur then stands there for a few seconds wondering why he is in the same time period as the human. And as to why a dinosaur would talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you circumcise a cat? Shoot an orphan in the leg with a rail gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the Dad say when his daughter murdered everyone Tea you're grounded

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How does a black man spell Jack J-A-C-K

thumb_up thumb_down +3

womans having rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

So, a man walks into a bar. Suddenly, the universe around him cracks, unable to sustain the weight of infinite potential punchlines. He tumbles through an empty void amongst shards of his broken reality.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

So two people have conversation Luke: Hi Logan: Hi Snake eyes: ALHSKjagjdaoggj;jdjg;aj;kaj'dgajd Luke: You are so smart! (you retarted piece of poo) Logan: GAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBEEEEEEN

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Have you ever watched that show on Lifetime about that woman?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did Sarah fall of the swing... She had no arms. Knock knock, who's there... Not Sarah. Face Face, who's there... Probably Sarah.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops