I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet... ...then I made fun of him and laughed.

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Knock Knock.

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If my wife has got 6 oranges in one hand and 6 apples in the other hand, what has she got? No chance of stopping an uppercut.

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what's the difference between a pound of liver and vomit? £3.24

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I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? It's the nazis we have reason to suspect that you are harboring illegal jewish fugitives and would like to check your house if it isn't too much trouble on your part.

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Why did the girl stop smoking? Because her mum asked her to.

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Who let the dogs out? The dog's owner.

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so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane actually hit their car and only killed your family.

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If life hands you lemons... Question yourself what just happened because life isn't tangible and has no way of handing you lemons, and even if it did, why lemons?

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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what happens when a dog and a cat have sex? They create a beautiful baby that ends up dieing from cancer.

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How did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. On its way there, he got hit by a bus.

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What did Helen Keller say? Obcojbcidjbcidjbdijcbd

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Why didn't Johnny's father come home? He was killed in Afghanistan.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It escaped.

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What would you do if I ripped your face off? Bleed to death.

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Why did the boy drop his peanuts and crackerjacks? He had a sudden heart attack and died at the age of 10

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? ... Well, do you know or not?

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"knock knock" "who's there" "Chuck" "Get out of here Chuck I hate you!"

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Why couldn't Timmy enjoy his ice cream? His lips were sewn together by an evil seamstress who was mad that he stole all of her Pop-Tarts

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Why did Suzie's friend put rubbish in her mouth? Because Suzie is a rubbish bin.

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Why did James drop his ice-cream? He was mourning the loss of his mother to terminal illness so he threw himself in front of a train.

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Enough with the gay jokes, they all go one direction.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops