A turtle walks into a bar. The bar tender says "what will it be?" the turtle doesnt reply because its a turtle and the bar tender is sent to a mental hospital for talking to turtles.

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whats better than 1,000,000 dollars? 1,000,001 dollars

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If David has 40 chocolate bars and eats 35 what does David have now? Diabetes, David has diabetes.

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Ask me any question. Okay, what is your favorite color? I refuse to answer.

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How come Susie fell off of the swing? -because I hit her with an axe Coolhsoj

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Whats the worst thing about dying? Your not alive anymore.

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A blind man walks into a bar. Nobody is surprised.

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TRICERATOPS!

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What did Batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile Get in the batmobile

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What did Al gore say after he sold his TV Station to Arab Oil Money? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. CHA-CHING!

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Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

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A blond is on her way driving to the airport when she sees the sign "Airport left." She made a left turn and got to her flight on time.

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what did the cat say to the potato? meow

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What is black white and red all over? A zebra which a lion did not finish eating.

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What did the average man say the the bird? HOODINI

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Why couldn't the color blind orphan find his apple? Because he was also blind.

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How do you stop a bus? You try to wave down the bus driver, they're usually nice people who will stop for you if you put in some effort and act appreciative.

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a horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face?", the horse incapable of understanding the English language promptly shits on the floor and eats a bar stool.

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When is a Jewish persons bedtime? When the brain releases endorphins, causing drowsiness, which usually leads one to sleep.

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hi little boy you want some candy i dont know do you want some candy you creeper

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A man walks into a bar............. The bar explodes and everyone dies

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A leper sees that a woman has dropped a bag of groceries on the sidewalk. "Hey ma'am, can I give you a HAND?" asks the leper. "No thank you, sir. I can manage." replies the woman. "That's a relief," laughs the leper, shyly. "I am quite weak due to leprocy."

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What's the hardest thing to do while masturbating? Having sex.

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how do you save a car from falling out of an airplane? I don't know.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops