your mommas so fat she jumped for joy and got stuck

thumb_up thumb_down -28

It's bright in here *puts on? sunglasses* Ahhh, that's better...

thumb_up thumb_down -28

why cant the kid find any friends? he was stranded in a desert.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Superman and Batman get in a fight, who wins? No one the world has just lost a superhero.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? -250.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

what did the astronomer say when he lost his telescope? where is my telescope?

thumb_up thumb_down -28

See what I did here? ;) Ladies, I just need some space okay? Damn Space Invaders... Ijustmetthespaceinvaderstheytookmyspace << DOUBLE MEANING!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

a blonde takes 1 hour to swim 100m of breaststroke.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead get pulled over. The cop says "Yuck!" Then shoots the redhead because red hair is disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Your momma so fat.... She's at risk of cardiovascular disease. You should take her to a nutritionist.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Knock knock Who's there? *silence* WHO'S THERE? *silence* -Looks out window- Slenderman

thumb_up thumb_down -28

why does clive keep getting crunk? because no girl satisfies him as much as geros

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "No, thats only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What the difference between a ferarri and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a pile of dead babies in my garage. That would be murder.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? The pizza does not scream in the oven

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I was taking a major shiit in the bathroom stalls at the college and someone walked in on me, talk about awkward

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Girl, why are you crying? I'm not a girl, I'm a strawberry.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. Alex had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. One rainy night an off-duty police officer picked them up and took them out for drinks. The friends had a wonderful trip. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months later John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What smells like diarrhea and looks like poop? A rotten banana.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A classic (apologies if it's been posted before): A woman was riding the bus home after a day of shopping. Suddenly she jumped up, shouting "may aspirins! My aspirins!" The driver replied: "You probably left them on the counter at the drugstore."

thumb_up thumb_down -30

what has 2 legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

im typing this without looking at the jetviard. I can;t toycg type thar wekk yet

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why did the piece of gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken's foot.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops