A man walks into a bar. The initial impact knocks him violently to the ground, where he lies gasping in agony. Flustered and in a state of psychological shock, he shakily reaches up and touches his head in an attempt to asses the damage he has sustained and establish the seriousness of the situation. He lets out a resigned whimper when he realises his hands are stained a deep red. More blood gushes in torrents from his left temple, and the man chokes on his vomit as he writhes on the ground uncontrollably, incessant waves of pain washing over him. The protruding metal bar left so carelessly in his path has done a lot more damage than the man is aware of. His skull has been shattered in several places and he has suffered additional fractures to his cheek bone and jaw. Also, the sheer force at which the man has collided with the bar means that he is severely concussed and the onset of brain haemorrhage is becoming very likely. Brain haemorrhage is a very common cause of strokes and, if left untreated, the bleed will almost certainly kill the man in later life. However, the chances of the man reaching this stage in his life are now almost non-existent. He is losing copious volumes of blood from the wounds sustained to his face, and is becoming weaker by the second. He needs a blood transfusion immediately if he is to live. But nobody is there to go to his aid. The harsh reality is, he is doomed...

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? Because she was blind.

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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what's the only thing worse than losing a pen before a test? getting raped by a pedifile. -teagan doherty-

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Why didn't the baby learn to walk? It got hit by a car.

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Mikey : I wan to divorce. Miney :are u funking crazy Mikey : no I'm funking dazy !

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There are 3 guys, a fat guy, a skinny guy, and sexy guy. They all work together and have lunch together. The fat guy opens his bag and eats a ham and turkey sandwich. The skinny guy opens his bag and eats a tuna sandwich. The sexy guy opens his bag and eats an egg sandwich. The fat guy finishes his meal. The skinny guy saves half for later. The sexy guy ate more than half of his food. A genie magically appears. The End

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What do you give a gay guy on his birthday? a invition to strait camp

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Why was little timmy crying? He walk in on his dad molesting a minor.

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Why did the white guy die because he had cancer

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Whats slower than molasses? A dead baby.

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what did the Nazi say to the Jew? I hate you

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What did the cripple wish for when he saw the shooting star? A toothbrush.

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Interviewer: Are you currently a smoker? Applicant: Are you implying that I look like a chimney?

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What do you get when you cross a Chinese man with a dog? A happy Chinese man and a pile of dog bones.

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Whats yello and cant swim A bus full of dead children in a lake

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What's worse than smelly feet? Smelly hands.

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What did the black man say when he noticed his crack was missing? I guess they fixed the sidewalk while I was at work.

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What do you do when you find a black guy bleeding on your porch? You should call an ambulance! This man is hurt!

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epic win?

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Forget about them, do not compare yourself to those beneath you, you always wanted to help as many as possible, in a world where everyone fights for themselves only.

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What did batman say to robin before they got in the car? I raped your mom and she swallowed my load, k

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Help me I need to know how to cook a human fetus by tomorrow does anyone know any good recipes?

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Why am I writing this? Cuz I am eating babies alive right now!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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