Two men walk into a bar The first man says to the bartender: 'Can I have a glass of H2O?' The second man says: 'Can I have a glass of H2O too?' The Bartender gives them both glasses of water because he is not irresponsible to serve hydrogen peroxide in his bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A Sodium atom walks into a bar. A Chlorine atom bumps into it, taking the electron, then making a bond. Suddenly, the police come in. They arrest the Chlorine atom, of course, but they also arrest the Sodium atom. He says, "what did I do?" The policemen say, "you're too ugly to be out in public."

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A Muslim walks into a bar He immediatley turns around and leaves as his religious beliefs forbid consumption of alcoholic beverages.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

There was once a Polish man who was extremely sad with life because people always made fun of him. He decided to do something about it. He sat down to contemplate the situation, and after a few hours, he thought, "I have never seen anyone making fun of Italians. So, if I start talking and behaving like them, no one will be able to make out that I am Polish and make fun of me." He went into isolation for three months and after a lot of practice, he walked confidently into a shop and said, "I am a very hungry. Give me some pepperoni and zucchini." Immediately, the man behind the counter said "Are you Polish?" This guy was taken aback and he repeated his request. The man behind the counter said, "Are you Polish or not?" This man was finally very ashamed and amazed at the shop owner's discerning ability and so he admitted to the fact after which he asked, "But how did you know?" The shopkeeper replied, "My grandmother was Polish. I could tell by your accent."

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q: How many Jews does it take to fix a light bulb? A: 2, one to hold the light bulb and the other to turn the ladder

thumb_up thumb_down -13

It's red or yellow but most likely grey, and when its hit your eye you are dead? A train :)

thumb_up thumb_down -13

#So tell me what you want, what you really really want, so tell me what you want, what you really really want.# OhOk then. I'll take that photo of your mother.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

cory

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q: how do you get an clown off a unicycle A:You hit it with a police baton

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you call a blackjack man driving a car? An average citizen.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

what did the sock say to the shoe? Get your tongue off me.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Knock Knock Whos there 9/11 nine eleven who? You said you would never forget...

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? dinner

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the police arrest the black man? He'd committed a crime, and was punished accordingly.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's worse than a dead baby? What a sick question. Most would argue that nothing is worse than the death of an infant.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

On a scale of 1 to Chris Brown how angry are you?

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Modern math questions: If I have 9 apples and you have 12 ice cubes, his many pancakes fit on a roof? Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Have u seen stevie wonders new house? No. Niether has he

thumb_up thumb_down -13

I once was an adventurer like you. But then I quit.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Oh NOES! She does worry about me! YOU MUST APOLOGIZE! Relax, the body has two sources of happy drugs, one is the sweet calm stuff I am really bad at, and the other comes with adrenaline and stuff, the name of which I do not remember, both are important, but yeah, I am a thrill seeker, and when I do not find them, I make a thrill out of whatever I got, whatever that means.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

"What's wrong?" "I can't fap." "Why not?" "Because I saw your face."

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why couldn't Ariel talk in the Little Mermaid? Someone slit her throat.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What does a ghost get when he watches porn? A boner

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you call an blonde, brunette, and a redhead? There has yet to be a definition for a group of people categorized by hair color.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops