Why didn't Tyron run from the police? He had no legs.

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What did the kid with no arms or legs get for christmas. A new vest and a puppy because his father got a promotion and a much higher pay raise.

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia......

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What is worse than being killed in a car crash? Having your girlfriend in the car with you.

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Why did all the boys come to my yard? Because of My milkshakes

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When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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Why did the boy fall off his skateboard before running into a cross-section? Because he was shot.

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What do a tree and I have in common? We would both be mad if we got turned into paper.

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why did the man commit scuicide because he was depressed

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Chuck norris doesn't make his own butter he roundhouse kicks the cow and the butter comes straight out.

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Knock knock Who's there Orange Orange who Orange

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Wanna hear a joke? No? Oh

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He got hit in the head with a brick.

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What is small, red all over and gets shorter by the second? A baby cutting its hair with a potato peeler

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Where did Mary go after the explosion? Everywhere.

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Your mom is soo black , she can go naked to a funeral.

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Why was the baby crying? He had just witnessed his parent get brutally murdered.

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Why does Rebecca Black like Friday? Because it's the start of the weekend

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Why was the blonde so stupid? She suffers a severe case of retardation.

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What did Steven Hawking get for christmas? A bike.

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I heard a joke one time about a Rabbi, a Priest, and a little boy. It wasn't funny.

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What's fat and round and has a ballsack nose? Mr Chicken

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Why didn't Jane go to school last Thursday? It was summer. No one went to school last Thursday.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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