A duck walks into a bar. The duck walks over to the bartender and orders a beer. "put it on my bill." he says. The bartender angrily grabs the duck and kicks him out of the bar, because the duck has done this many times, but has never once paid his bill to the bar. The duck is an alcoholic and is slowly ruining his relationship with his family.

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OMG SOHPIE IS SOOOOO GREAT AT BLOWING Josh Brown xoxo

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To the 'am i pregnant now?'-section: Yesterday I spilled mustard on my brand new pants. That was just before I went out to some clubs. That night, after I had enjoyed myself with friends and alcohol, while I was walking home I was raped several times by big, black and hung men. It hurt a lot and my anus is still bleeding. My question is: What is the best way to get rid of the mustard stain?

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It was the week of the school formal and a girl rang up her date and said I don't have a dress for the formal. He said ok the lets go out and buy one. So they went to the dress shop to buy one but the line was really, really long so they waited in the dress line for ages and ages until they finally got to the front, paid and walked out. As they did, the girl said well I suppose you need a suit, so they went to the suit shop, and again, the suit line was really long but they waited in the suit line and they finally got to the front, paid and walked out. Then the guy said, well if we want to go to the formal in style, then we will need a limo. So they went to the limo shop but the limo line was really long as well. But again, they waited in the limo line and they got to the front, paid and left. It was finally the night of the formal, she had her dress, he had his suit and they arrived in their limo. Everyone was having a great time and the the girl said to her partner, I'm a bit thirsty could you please get me a drink? So the guy went over to the drinks table and went to get a glass of punch but there was no punch line.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Faces like yours belong in the zoo But dont worrie ill be there Not in a cage But laughing at you

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Not only did 7 have that intimidating look to him, but 6 had recently found out that he was a well known mob boss who also went by the name of Lucky Seven. he was in charge of a gang called The Prime Numbers. They had been terrorizing 6's city for sometime now, whether it was stealing, mugging, or even killing or vandalism. 6 sure had a lot to fear, but he knew things might turn out well, as 6 had a great ability to try his best and do what he believed in: Justice

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CAOIMHIN JUST BE QUITE

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Why do chickens have feathers? Because chickens are birds and birds have feathers.

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Why was Joe lying on the ground? Because he got shot.

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Whats black and hangs from trees? To get to the other side.

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My cat just died.

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Why was the doctor unable to perform his surgery properly? Because he forgot his scalpel

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what do you call 10 black people in a red car? overcrowded

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why did little suzy fall off the swing? she was stabbed by a drugaddict

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Why would Maria not have sex with Liam? Because she is Danish and doesn't shave and therefore is self-conscious

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What do you call an armless legless man swimming? Dead

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Your mother is so ugly that her physical appearance causes her to have a low self-esteem.

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A man sits on the toilet to take a shit And is surprised to find the next door neighbours dog in the toilet.

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Whats red and goes round and round? A baby in the garbage disposal

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"I see" said the blind man to the deaf man... On the phone

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Is this the Krusty Crab? Yes.

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What is green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree and onto your head, it will kill you? A pool table.

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Why did the black man offer the girl flowers? It was his niece's birthday.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He actually planned to visit his family on the other side, but unfortunately he did not look both ways so was involved in a terrible car accident. His family now mourns their loss.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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