I like my women how i like my coffee. Without a penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Previous Next SERIOUSLY EVERONE! I STRICTLY FORBID YOU TO GIVE MY COMMENT A GREEN THUMB! BECAUSE THEN I WOULD DIE A VIOLENT DEATH AND BURN IN THE FLAMES OF HELL! DO YOU HEAR ME! YEEEEAH, YOU BETTER GIVE ME A RED THUMB! YEAH! BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? I COULD NOT STAND THE THOUGHT OF MORE THAN ONE! GREEN THUMB! I WOULD JUST DIE AND YOU WOULD BE LEFT WITH THE GUILT! YEAH! PEOPLE WOULD HATE YOU! HATE! HATE! YOU AS THEIR HERO! I MEAN THEIR NERO... Same same... DIES! YES! Moral: CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED! YOU DO NOT WANT ME TO DIE, REPEAT AFTER ME: "I MUST GIVE NERO RED THUMBS, I MUST GIVE NERO RED THUMBS! I AM UNDER HIS CONTROL! I MUUUUST GIVE NERO RED THUMBS! YES DO MY BIDDING PEASANTS AND I SHALL SHALL BUILD THE FORTRESS OF SALTITUDE! ... WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT GREEN THUMB! PUT IT DOWN AND PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR! NO NOT UP, THE THUMB MUST BE DOWN! ...I am looking at you there... "YES YOU! NOT EVERYBODY ELSE! JUST YOU! YEEES I SEE YOU WAVING THAT NASTY GREEN THUMB OF YOURS! YEAH! SHAME ON YOU! WHAT WILL EVERYBODY ELSE BUT YOU THINK ABOUT THAT HUH? ...I will be silent now... But I am still watching, yeah! I am constantly here... ZzzzZzzz... AND AWAKE!... ..:SERIOUSLY! GREEN THUMB IS VERBOTEN! IT IS NAZI, IT IS HITLER! SHAME! SHAAME! Moral: Now, do you want my death by green thumb on your conscience? SHAAAAME! WHAT WILL THE COMMUNITY DO TO YOU! DO YOU NEVER THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!? And next time on Dragonball DONTGIVEAFUCKING GREENTHUMBEVER Z! I shall be the one and only to give myself a green thumb, but remember... I am still watching... At you.... Now, I will stop talking... BUT RED THUMBS ONLY! *ME EVER PRESENT RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW! AND NOW! AND NOW! AND YOU MY POINT... YOU BETTER! I MEAN MAYBE I HAVE NOT BEEN CLEAR ENOUGH HERE, BUT THIS COMMENT SHALL HAVE A GREEN THUMB UP FROM THE CHOSEN ONLY, MEEEEEE!*

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Two strawberries are sitting in a bathtub. One says to the other, "Can you pass the soap?" The other one says, "What do I look like, a typewriter?!"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: Billy has 47 pieces of cake, he eats 38. What does he have left? A: Diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What happened to the Asian who ran into the wall with a boner? He ejaculated his sperm, impregnating the wall. The wall went to the authorities, and the man was charged with rape. He is now serving a 10 year prison sentence, with no possibility of parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the Mexican sneak across the US border? There aren't many good jobs for him in Mexico, and with the cost of living in his small village, he will be able to provide for his entire family of seven on just minimum wage in California. He will miss his family terribly while he is away from them, but he believes it is worth it in the end. Once he saves enough, he will pay the coyotes to smuggle the rest of his family over so they can be together again. Hopefully none of them will die on the journey.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are blue Violets are red Sugar are you And so is sweet

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are grey. Violets are grey. There is an entire spectrum of the world I am not privy to.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What is small, yellowy-white and emits a kind of cheesy smell? A lump of cheese

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man walked into a bar making it immediately apparent that he had no future in competitive limbo.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

12 in general

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilate was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Mike: Hey Dave knock knock Dave: Come in!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did Michael Jackson say to the little boys before they came to his house? Get on the ferris wheel

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Go fuck yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

If life hands you lemons your probably hallucinating.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The rabbi survives.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was the black man unemployed and in debt? Because current socio-economic realities and systematic racial discrimination place him at a disadvantage in terms of education and employment. Indeed, it is statistically probable that he was raised below the poverty-line, greatly limiting his opportunities from a young age.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Yo mama so dumb she got hit by a bus and didn't know! The funeral was touching and sad. Everyone cried. 2 weeks later..........Johnson ended his own life.......

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? She technically could have, she was physically able, but cars were not invented yet, and even if they were it is unethical for any humane person to let a blind and def person drive.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Two guys walk into a bar.... OUCH

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why didnt the boy finish the race? Becuase he stepped on a land mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why couldn't the 13 year old get into the pirate movie? He has cancer and is dying in the hospitable.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do black people do with M&Ms? They eat them.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops