A blonde heard that 90% of all crimes occur within a one-mile radius of the home, so she had a security alarm installed.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? Cue annoying little kids saying WHAT!!!!!!!!! A: To check out all the chicks

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What did a husband do when he came home to find his wife murdering their children? Nothing. There is no excuse for domestic violence.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sunflowers are yellow, Daises are white.

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Q: What happens when the Hydro goes out? A: The Hydro goes out.

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Why did Billy fall off his bike? He tried to kill himself.

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If I was trapped in a closet with you and a bear, and I only had two bullets, I would shoot you twice!

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When you try to go to anti-joke.com but get redirected to Horsehead Network...

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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Banana." The man of the house subsequently notifies his government that genetic engineering is going awry.

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whats worst then antijokes? the holocaust

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? You eat them.

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your momma is so fat that when she steps on the scale it shows that she is overwhieght

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What's black and white, and red all over? Nothing, those two events are mutually exclusive of each other.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Horses that lose Are made into glue

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Q-Why did the little boy feel hot? A-Because he faceplanted into a bonfire.

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whats the difrence between a japaneese and chineese person? one is from japan and one is from china.

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There are 4 people in a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes. But, the teenage girl says she is depressed and cannot go on. The older woman breaks down into tears because she is reminded of her rough child hood. The two 21 year old twins start crying, too, because they were corrupted by their alcoholic father who would come home and abuse their family. As they were all crying, the two pilots and the flight attendant took the parachutes and jumped. The older woman realized she went to flight school when she was young so she took control. They were are happy and drank a little bit too much alcohol and got drunk. The pilot also drunk and crashed into a huge skyscraper. This catastrophe was later named 9/11.

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one day a bear was eating for winter he ate about half what he had to and said "Im tired ill take a nap and eat the rest later. one month later he died of starvation

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What do you call a fat man that breaks into your house at 2 a.m. and steals your money and your television? Probably a dumbass, a jackass, a moron, an idiot, or something in that general area.

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What did God say when he made the first black person? I have just added a significant element of diversity to the human species. Intolerance between ethnicities will surely prove to be an obstacle in societal progression, creating hardships for many. I know this because I am God.

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Yesterday I saw a blind man walking down the street, I asked if he needed help and he said "I'm fine thanks." Later on I saw a deaf man walking down the street and asked if he needed help. He didn't hear me, he then fell off the curb and was hit by a car.

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What do you do when your wife is about have a baby? Throw her off the balcony go into parking lot and reach into her mouth if you feel a leg stab her in the belly button untill her intestines are coming out and burn the body singing Elmo's world

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Hey I Just Met You , And This is Crazy But Don't Text. My Phone Cuz You Stalk Me Daily #Taste_MyCarmel

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Q. What's a pirate's favorite type of movie? A. It depends on the individual pirate, although most modern-day pirates are from third world countries like Somalia and so are too poor to be able to watch many movies. Classical pirates like those depicted in Treasure Island or Pirates of the Carribean are, of course, from a period of history before movies had been invented, so couldn't possibly have had a favorite.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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