Q: How do you make a five year cry twice? A: There are many ways, as children are generally not that adept at controlling their emotions. Loud noises, threats of violence, images of scary monsters... those tend to work. Be sure to let them stop crying before making them cry again, otherwise you will have only made them cry once.

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What's green and has wheels? Nope, it's a car.

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A guy walks into a bar. The second guy ducks.

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Why do fat people commit suicide

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You can lead a horse to water, but you can't suck its dick.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?" The horse replies, "I have cancer."

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What's the difference between acne and Michael Jackson? One is a an unsightly blemish that appears on your skin and the other is a dead pop singer.

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an emo girl walked into a white room

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How did little jimmy survive the plane crash? He ate all the survivors, then when the helicopter arrived he ate them too and took the helicopter.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a giant scorpian. Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpian? Getting tortured to death. Whats worse than being tortured to death? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, and getting tortured to death. Whats worse than that? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, getting tortured to death, and finding a worm in your apple.

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What are you going to get your mom for mothers day? I have two gay dads.

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away? What about the vampires?

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Uh... Justin, the most pointless man... I gotta cringe for a moment, I don't want to be mean here, but I think my body cell total opinion pool dropped a large quantity there, its not that I do not want you anymore, but, my body`s mass body cell total is kinda denying me... Actually I am denying IT... ACTUALLY WE ARE DENYING EACH OTHER, (which is totally awesome, united denial fighting against one another FOR DENYING THE MOST! BECAUSE COOPERATION IS FOR PUSSIES!) Anyway, hell I am dead tired, oh yeah, Justin... Man, Uh, who where you again?

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Who is the dumbest person on the entire internet? Shortpoet-GTD

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"Is this the Krusty Krab ?" I'M TIRED OF YOUR SHIT TYRONE.

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why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide? you would too if your name was uuhuhuhduhh

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What's so funny about Mexicans? Nothing. They're all humans too.

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how to turn invisable. eat yourself

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A teen walks in on his parents having sex. He then vomits in his mouth and shuts the door.

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what is the best invention ever created ? ............ PORN !!!!

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What do you call a bunch of black people buried up to their hair? Afro turf

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Roses are red violets are blue I have five fingers the middle one is for you.

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I'm 23, just like most people my age.

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why was six afraid of seven? it wasn't. numbers dont have feelings.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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