"Lassie, Lassie, come quick! Timmy is in the well!" "I'm a dog," replies Lassie. "You folks have ropes, ladders, and opposable thumbs. What the hell could I possibly do to help?" With that final act of disobedience, Lassie was turned into fertilizer.

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How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

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Whats wrong Nero? What happened? Please pick up the phone, I am trying to call you, but it just goes from dialing to changing tunes, please do not be upset with me, what did I do wrong? I thought we had an understanding, please just pick up the phone, if you already have my number and all you got nothing to lose...

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Barak Obama, Justin Bieber, and Lindsey Lohan all jump out of a plane. all of their parachutes deploy. except Justin Bieberrs, he then dies of cancer

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Theres a blonde and a brunette at a party. The redhead is left out because she has no soul.

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What's redder than a red apple? 2 red apples

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What do you call a black person flying a plane? A pilot.

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Why was a black man in a police car? He is a police officer.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I forgot to go to the bathroom

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Why did the long term smoker suddenly stop smoking? Because he had a heart attack.

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So mind telling me why you wont call me? And why, you know... Are you avoiding this condition of yours?

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Whats Pink and fluffy? Yellow fluff thats been dyed pink :D

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What did the penguin wearing a blue sweater say to the sink? I am a penguin wearing a blue sweater.

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What's worse then failing a math test? Your mom getting shot

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whats worse than killing someone? finding out your mom is your dad

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Hurricane sandy should have been named hurricane snooki because it ruined the jersey shore

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Albert <3 Hunter

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What is the difference between a park bench and a Mexican? The park bench can actually suport a family A. Woj

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69.

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Why was Little Billy crying? He had cancer. Why was Little Sally crying? Little Billy's cancer was contagious.

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Q: what do you call a camel with a garbage bag on its head? A: A ziploc baggie

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How Do You Solve A Impossible Math Question? You Dont. cause its impossible.

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What do you call a man whos had his arms ripped off in front of you? An ambulance, because with an injury such as this, you can die anywhere between 10 and 45 minutes

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"Knock knock," said the guy about to deliver a knock knock joke.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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