How do you get a jewish girls number check her wrist

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Q. How many alzhimers patients dose it take to screw in a light bulb? A. To get to the other side

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My wife asked me to prepare our son for his first day of school. He's a ginger so I punched him in the face, and stole his lunch money.

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Why did Timmy masticate in front of everyone at the dinner table? If he hadn't, he would have choked on large chunks of food.

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What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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Why couldn't the immigrant who was brand new to America hold a conversation with anyone? He was mute.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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what will you never loose if you play world of warcraft your verginity

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What do you call a cat in a piece of bred? An inbred cat.

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Why did the little boy lose his fingers? He was left unattended with a chain saw.

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Why did the girl fall off of the swings? Because I threw a refrigerator at her.

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How many times do you have to make an ass of yourself before you look like a retard and thinking ''random'' means funny? Fuck yourself HAHAHAHAHA seriously stahp

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When a fat lady walks by what do u think? R u fat or pregnant

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why was 7 afraid of 6?that is impossible it is older than six and stronger than its mother

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What would you do if I jumped down your throat when you were talking? That would never happen, as it's impossible to even climb into somebody's mouth.

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Q: how do u make a fireman cry? A: set his wife on fire

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Q: Where does the queen of england live? A: This was the question I had to anwser to be able to post this joke.

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Why did the little boy let go of his balloon? Because I was raping his face.

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TRICERATOPS!

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Ok so im on antijoke.com and they tell me i can write my own joke... so i did.

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A Jew finally tipped He was in a canoe

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was an animal with a small brain and could not comprehend the situation.

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A. why'd the chicken cross the road? B.a dog got hit by a bus.

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Justin beiber comment if u get it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops