A: Knock, Knock B: Whos there? A: Noone, the door and the visitor are both existential figments of your imagination.

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How do you make a plumber cry You kill it's family

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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A magician was driving down the road and turned into a driveway...

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It is the conjoining of the two possible outcomes of the interstellar and post modern possibilities of the pasta sex god's niece's favorite colour after she falls off her bike whilst riding down a yellow slide after her twenty-seventh birthday when the two suns form a triangle in the night sky over the delta. Yes indeed that was good pudding.

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A my dog was a rappa. He recorded a hit. But it had no lyrics, because he is a dog.

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What do you call a flying Jew? Smoke

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what did the girl say after her boyfriend proposed? she said no because they've still got a lot of stuff to deal with before they even consider getting married and he seriously needs to get a job and dump his other girlfriend.

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what happens when y tell ur deff brother uve been sleeping with his wife..nothing

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Q: What do you call a gay man in a... A: Keith.

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A black guy walks into a bar orders his drink and could not do it in a more civilized way

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In some aspects, a fowl can be compared by many points to the Tyrannosaurus. But it is still comestible.

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What do black people and tables have in common? Nothing.

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I am a dog

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What is 5 brittish guys who can't sing and horrible music make .... one direction

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Why do people make fun of Laquesha? Because she's white.

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Why can't Helen Keller read? Because she's a woman

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Knock Knock. READ THE DAMN SIGN IT SAYS NO SOLICITORS!!! ... yeah.

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Guest what? Dog

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what is the only thing in the world that can pick up 1000 jews at once? A vacuum cleaner

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What did batman say to robin before they got into the batmobile? Get in the batmobile.

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I wanted to burn alot of calories so i found a fat kid and set him on fire. :3

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away Because no dog likes being called "hurrrrdhjkdhjsaklhdkhjkddssaduyiwqkhdbewcjk"

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What did the boy born with cancer get for christmas? ... More cancer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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