What do call a man with no arms or no legs that sits on the couch? Grandpa after his amputations.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What the difference between a car and a dead child I dont have a car in the basement

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q:Why did sarah fall off the swing? A:She had no arms. 1:Knock knock 2:who's there? 1:not sarah

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A duck walks into a bar "Can I have some brandy, please" says the duck The bartender then proceeds to make millions because he was the first to discover a talking duck

thumb_up thumb_down -13

whats fat, green and hairy? Nothing I would pleasure myself to.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

So a Buddhist said, "YOLO." ._.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How do you stop your golf ball from hitting a goose? You dont.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

why did the computer monitor stop working? Becasue it has a date with a slice of cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did the black man say to the jew at a party Well hello i don't believe we met.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Never go into your parents room with a blacklight.. -Ryan Vallee

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did I write this joke Because I'm board as hell

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What happened when the blackman saw the white man. they both said hello

thumb_up thumb_down -13

In particle-joke physics, the antijoke is the extension of the concept of the antiparticle to the joke, where the antijoke is composed of antiparticles in the same way that the normal joke is composed of particles. Furthermore, mixing jokes and antijokes can lead to the annihilation of both, in the same way that mixing antiparticles and particles does.The result of antijoke meeting jokes is an explosion.[1]

thumb_up thumb_down -13

hey I just met you and this is crazy but get in my van

thumb_up thumb_down -13

I once saw a small Italian man wearing trainers with a smart suit. He looked like an idiot, but I considered the option that he may not have had any money left after buying the suit to buy shoes. Exercising diplomacy, I left him be and enjoyed a nice meal with he and his trainers.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Womens rights

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the boy wipeout on his bike? An old man threw a snake in front of his tire

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Roses are red Violets are red Your flowers are red Yes set your garden on fire

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did the black man say to the asian man? hello.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you get when John pulls your toe off the waterfall and takes three from an caramel? -6 to the power of golf.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the girl go to the hospital? Her brother dared her to jump off the second story roof of their house...

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Four black guys have a picnic. One of them pulls out a bag of KFC. Another pulls out some Kool Aid. The third pulls out a watermelon. The fourth pulls out a box of cookies you racist prick

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did Jesus say when he was nailed to the cross? Please, not the nails.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops