how do you stop a baby from crying? hit it with a brick.

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Your mum so ugly that she isn't married

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So I'm blowing this guy and he starts rubbing his finger through my hair... So I started thinking, what a fag.

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A group of young men walks into a bar. They drink some booze, laugh, have a great time and then go home to sleep.

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Why did the black man take the watermelon? Because he bought it, and watermelons are delicious.

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Have you heard the one about the fat woman and the dead baby? The woman was actually pregnant, not fat, and just had a miscarriage.

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What happened when Suzy fell off the swing? She hurt herself.

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chinga tue madre Ryan

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How many chickens does it take to cross the road? It only takes 1 chicken to cross the road. You don't need a lot.

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Why couldn't the T-Rex clap his hands? Because he's dead.

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Did you see Stevie Wonder's new house? no. He didn't either.

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Hitler, Mussilini, And Hideki Tojo Walk In To A Bar Mitzvah, Everyone Was Brutally Murdered & No One Survived.

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Dylan F is stupid He goes to his cousins house Then falls into a pit Moves on

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Your momma's so dumb she graduated high school with a C average.

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Why is the sky blue? Because it isn't red.

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What did the raisin say to the toaster? Nothing. The raisin lacks a central nervous system, and the toaster is an inanimate object.

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So a Jew is walking on the street and he sees a penny, and he decides to pick it up because ever since the fire that killed his family and burned his house down he has been living on the street and he needs all the help he can get.

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There was a dog walking down the street with his GF. The dog can have a GF and can talk because this is an anti joke. Then the dog broke up with his GF because he was unhappy with her scent. Dogs are weird that way. Then, sobbing, he saw something through the blur of his tears. The county fair was open! Elated, the dog ran to the fair and waited n the ticket line for a long time. He waited so long, he almost exploded. Once he got to the end, he reached in his coat pocket (yeah, the dog is wearing a coat. It's cold), and found no wallet. FUUUUUUU! By the time he got back, the fair was closed for the day. The next time he came back, he had a hard time getting through the line. When he did, he raced to the ferris wheel. Halfway up, the ferris wheel stopped. CWAP! The neckst daey, thee dwawg whent two the ferries weele and went up. Yay. At the top, he saw his house! there was a chicken crossing the road. WTF? Why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side. Phuck yeah.

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I was in the 74th hunger games I hid in the cornucopia until almost everyone was dead. Then I saw Katniss and Peeta so while they were distracted with night lock I pulled a rubber chicken out of my ass and beat the shit out of them till they died then I won the 75th hunger game also. They asked me to be there mocking jay but I killed them all and blew the plane up in the Capitol the end. By Adam Chebali

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Two hunters are in the woods. One of them clutches his chest, falls to the ground, and loses consciousness. In a panic, the other hunter calls 911 and tells the operator that his friend might be dead of a heart attack. The operator says "Before we send a coroner instead of an ambulance, first make sure he's dead." The hunter says "Alright." There is a pause and then BLAM! "Okay," says the hunter, "now what?" The operator follows standard procedures to keep the hunter on the phone, lucid and calm. 45 minutes later, police reach the scene, arrest the hunter and begin a months-long investigation. Forensics determines that the dead hunter was likely alive prior to being shot in the face at point-blank range. The defendant is charged with first-degree murder and receives a 30-year sentence. On the 9th year of his sentence, he is stabbed in the chest 6 times by an initiate in a rival prison gang and dies the next day. He was 53.

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What's the difference between my mom, and a bag of garbage? A bag of garbage is incapable of contracting aids

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Why was the black man afraid of leaving his house? Because he has severe agoraphobia and cannot function normally in society.

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Two muffins were in the oven...They were taken out after about 40 minutes, and then enjoyed by all.

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Yo mama so fat that when she jumped into a pool she displaced more water than someone who was of a normal weight

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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