I am strangling you. Do you see my arms? I AM FREAKEN STRANGLING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

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knock knock who's there? banana well that's an odd name. banana then began to break down in tears because his parents were constant drug abusers and gave him that name while they were high

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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Psychic wanted. You know where to apply.

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How do you beat Andy Murry at tennis? KILL HIM!

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What did one viking say to the other viking? I don't know, it was in Danish

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares...he didn't make it anyways..

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What did the red bag have written on it? Yellow bag

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Whats funnier than a dead baby? Pretty much anything.

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Why did Justin Bieber cross the road? Because the chicken chose him as a decoy.

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What does a chicken get for Christmas? A trip to the processing plant.

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What do you call a hairy pussy? A cat.

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What did the Irishman say to the German? "Sorry, do you have the time?"

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roses are blue violets are red crap i screwed up dont judge me

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Why was the bus company sued? For substandard national safety regulations

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A man and a six year old boy are walking along a path through the woods on a moonless night. "Gee mister, I'm scared!" says the boy. "You're scared?" says the man. "I have to walk back alone!"

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What's the difference between dead babies and punching bag? No one makes jokes about punching bags.

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There are fewer coppers on sundays. As well as criminality.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Go fuck yourself.

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What do you call a person with cancer A hospital patient, what did you expect? Oh. Of course you expected Chewbacca.

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knock knock who's there ... '*Opens the door slowly* SUPRISE BUTT SEX!

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Excuse me sir, do you know where I can find the restroom? I don't know, I'm sorry.

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roses are red violets are black,why is your chest as flat as your back :O

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops