A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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Im about to rewrite History....... History

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There once was a plain Cheerio. He has a decent life with a low paying job and an apartment. One day, he decided to make his life more fun and started going to parties. He met some women and had a good time. He was happier and was soon promoted at work. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself, only to discover that he was now a Honey-nut Cheerio. He continued to go to parties and met a girl that eventually became his girlfriend. He became a manager at work and moved into an expensive condo. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself and was a Frosted Cheerio. He then quit his job and opened a club, where he became the most popular Cheerio in town. All guys wanted to be him, girls with him. At one party, his girlfriend asked him for some punch. He went to the kitchen but couldn't find any. There was no punch-line.

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A women walks into a kitchen.

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Why did the duck cross the road? It followed the chicken.

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How did the little boy get out of the forest? -He didnt, he was devoured by a pack of wovles.

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I guy goes into a coffee shop and says I'll have a coffee and a danish. The clerk says we're all out of danish. The guy says I'll just have the danish then.

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theres no I in Intelligence a.w. j.p.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it looking for food for it was starving to death.

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Why did the aeroplane fall out of the sky? An ant jumped on it

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When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Well, that's going to be some horrible lemonade if life doesn't also give you water and sugar.

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Why did the woman go to the kitchen? The same reason she went to the bathroom, she needed to wash her hands because she was finger painting. Her husband was using the bathroom.

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Why did the Christian man dislike gays? Because Christianity views being gay as a sin, and as a follower of the religion he decided he did not like gays.

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What's green and if you eat it you die? A Biljarts table.

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Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and they smell bad.

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Two elves walk into a bar. The hobbit laughs and walks under it.

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Why did the kid fall off is bike? He was hit by a bus.

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Little Johnny walked into class one day. The teacher announced their would be a pop-quiz on the declaration of independence. Johnny passed. (ic3)

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what does a buttler put in a closet ? stuff.

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Excuse me sir, do you know where I can find the restroom? I don't know, I'm sorry.

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Sex

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What do you call somebody who votes for Donald Trump? A voter. What do you call somebody who votes for Hillary Clinton? A voter.

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What is the difference between a dog and God? A dog is physical living creature while God is a supernatural being.

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what did the women say when she saw a tiger maul a rabbit? she didn't see it, she was in the kitchen cooking and ironing

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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