When life gives you lemons Unless it gives you sugar, water, and a cup your lemonade will suck

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So a baby seal walks into a club.

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Why do they call Jean a redneck? Because her neck was red from being in the sun for so long.

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Why did the Muslim man burn the American flag? The flag had touched the ground, which, by tradition, means it has to be disposed. And the proper way of disposing it is by burning.

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My friends a Jehovahs Witness. He got all pissed at me because he tried to tell me a knock knock joke and I ignored him.......i totally stole this joke lol.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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What did the T-Rex say to the chicken? Nothing. First of all because the Tyrannousaurus Rex has been extinct for over 65 million years and secondly because Tyrannousaurus Rex's and chickens are both animals of lower intelligence so they cannot talk to one another.

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how do you make a clown sad? you push it off a swing.

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They say that there's more than one way to skin a cat...so far iv only found the one.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The family performs an array of disgusting sexual acts. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "It has no name."

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do you know who loves getting fisted? sock puppets

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What's worse than a wet sock? Being molested as a child.

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What is a pedophile's favorite thing about twenty-six year olds? There are 20 of them.

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the teacher enters the room she sits in her chair and yells, "i am your substitute teacher. get out your books and write me a story."

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What did the therapist say to the other therapist? Your skin looks dry, let me lend you some ointment.

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What did the chicken say when it finally crossed the road? - nothing, its a chicken

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Q: why didn't the asian boy ask for a calculator? A: you don't need calculators to make shoes

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why'd the chicken committed suicide?? to get to the other side

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Whats the difference between males and females? fe

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Why doesn't Julius Caesar ever use a cell phone? Because he died in 44 BC.

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What do you call a yelling, enraged Asian man? A fucking asshole.

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why does big tom run the dock because he knows how to speak to skiiers

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Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo "who"? Boo Radley. I live down the street.

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A man agreed with a camel. The camel didn't agree. ... (This joke does only make sense in the Dutch language.)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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