Dear Reader I am writing to express my complete and utter disdain toward the subject of your face. Rarely have I to witness such a repugnant sight. I would like to inform you that, upon most regrettably witnessing your face, my delicate stomach muscles gave way, and my morning meal, of lightly buttered Kipper and freshly squeezed orange juice most unfortunately ended up in one of the seventeen human waste disposal outlets to adorn my manor house. I struggle to comprehend how you, being such a selfish sadist, are able to live with yourself, knowing how much dismay you have caused me. Might I suggest that you pay a visit to a prosthetic plastic surgeon, in order to prevent other innocent's to suffer as did I. I request politely, but please be firmly assured in the knowledge that I will complain to the magnificent force of the police should you not comply with my reasonable request. Your face simply can not be allowed to exist in it's current form. I would go so far to say that it may be a danger to the elder's of our society, with their regrettably weak hearts.

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What did the raisin say to the toaster? Nothing. The raisin lacks a central nervous system, and the toaster is an inanimate object.

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A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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One day, a Hippo was riding a scooter and an ant was sitting on the back seat. Suddenly they meet with an accident. They both fall from the scooter on their heads but only the hippo gets hurt. How??? Because the ant was wearing a helmet.

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How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

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If an oak tree falls in the woods, and the tree has 3 squirrel nest in them, then does a whale jizz in the ocean?

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Roses are reds, Viloets are blue, Thank God I'm a christian, And not a jew.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun! So I KILL YOU!!!!

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Why was Timmy sad? because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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Why couldn't the black man get out of jail? He couldn't post his bond.

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How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos (make a dipping and snacking motion).

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dylan wishes he could come up with funny jokes. but that is impossible for a man trying to bat with a .5inch ****

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What's better than your first Hanukkah? Not being a Jew.

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What do you call a guy with an axe in his head? Chuck

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How many footballs fit in a glass of liquid. none, this football is HUGE!!!

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quantum physics?

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Q. What did the mom say to the boy scout? A. He wouldn't be a happy camper.

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What do you call a middle ages man driving a van filled with children? Coach.

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When life hands you melons it means you're dyslexic.

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I have read and agree to the Terms of Service

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Don't you just hate it when somebody is saying something interesting and they don't finish their sentence?

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What did the homeless man say to the man who gave him change? “Mmmm I sure do love pocket lint”

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How did the fat guy survive the plane crash? Because he still in the food court at the airport.

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Q: What did the homless man get for chritsmas? A: Frostbite

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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