Just checked my Tesco burgers in the fridge and they're still within the use by date.

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Why did the black man die? Kidney Failure.

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One Direction has 12 letters. So does gayyyyyyyyyy. Coincidence? I think not.

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-Is your refrigerator running? -Yes. -Just wondering.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Well, neither has he.

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Your dad is so old, he should go to a nursing home.

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How High is a Chinese man

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A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says "What would you like to drink?" The cat says "Meow."

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Why did the Asian man have to sit down to pee? Because he had no legs.

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do you know who loves getting fisted? sock puppets

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What did the girl with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A bike!

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how many jews does it take to fit in a mid-size sedan? -5 comfortably.

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What has two legs and oinks? Half a pig.

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Edward Smith had started telling a long rambling joke when William McMaster Murdoch cut him off with "I don't like where this is headed".

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gay guys house Knock Knock Who's there? The chicken

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How do you make a baby crawl in circles? Nail its hand to the ground

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So there were these three guys on a plane, one with a ruptured hernia, one with a stomach infection and one with a raging case of gingivitis. Half way through the flight the pilot said, "unfortunately we will not it make to our destination... we are crashing." The three men then went to get the parachutes. they then say that there was only two. the man with the ruptured hernia picked one up and threw it out the door and pushed out the guy with the stomach infection. The guy with the raging case of gingivitis said, "why did you do that... we could have used that parachute!" the man with the ruptured hernia responded, "taco." and jumped out of the plane. the pilot then goes on the intercom and says," sorry. false alarm. we will not be crashing, please enjoy the rest of your flight."

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A shoemaker walks into a bar holding a shoebox with only one shoe inside. The bartender gives him a drink and asks "Say mister, why are you carrying that shoebox with one shoe?" The shoemaker says "Well sir, it's a long story." The bartender says "Okay, give me the short version." The shoemaker says "Okay, long story short, I'm not really a shoemaker." The bartender asks "Well buddy, what are ya?" The shoemaker gets up from his chair and says "I'm a guy missing shoe."

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Ask me if i'm a tree. Are you a tree? No. okay? Why did the chicken cross the road? why? because its motor skills allowed it to cross. dude, seriously? What did Jimmy's grandmother get him for Christmas? What?. Nothing she died two years ago. that's horrible. When did she die? On his birthday. Dude, stop! Wait how did she die? Fine, How? She was driving down the road and swerved to miss a chicken. oh. And what did she hit? UGGG What? Thankfully not me. because I wasn't the tree. :0 oooooooooooooh

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You can pick you're friends, you can pick you're nose, but you can't run over a pedestrian.

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Why did the woman make the man a sandwich? Because the man severed his spinal cord and is no longer able to move any of his limbs.

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Whats worst then getting a paper cut. Being stabbed by a screw driver.

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What's the difference between a chicken? One leg is both the same

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How do my feet smell? Oh wait. They can't. Feet are not sentient independent beings and therefore cannot experience the five senses, including smell.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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