A man is driving the speed limit of 55 on the highway. He gets pulled over and the cop says, "Do you know how fast you were going sir?" The man replies "Well yes I was going 55, the speed limit." The cop says, "No you were going 80." The speedometers broken.

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What's the difference between an elephant and a grape? They're both fruit. Except the elephant.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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What do you call a women with two black eyes? Someone trapped in the cycle of violence that is domestic abuse. The few friends and family members she still speaks with tell she should leave. They don't know about the last time she threatened to leave him, when he held a gun to her throat and screamed "You try an leave me I'll kill you and your precious god damn babies!" Now she suffers silently for fear of what he might do to her family, but is increasingly worried about the way her husband has begun looking at their 13 year old daughter. Every night she kneels at the foot of her bed and prays for death, over the sounds of her own sobbing and her husbands drunken rage. Also she is a slow learner.

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* pretend your an orphan Knock knock Who's there? Not your parents.

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A duck walks into a bar. The duck walks over to the bartender and orders a beer. "put it on my bill." he says. The bartender angrily grabs the duck and kicks him out of the bar, because the duck has done this many times, but has never once paid his bill to the bar. The duck is an alcoholic and is slowly ruining his relationship with his family.

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Everyone believes in something. If you believe "you'll have another drink," you may be an alcoholic.

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A guy wanted to write a joke. He didn't.

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Why did the kid drop his football? He had a heart attack

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You're mama's SO stupid that when she applied to college, they were happy to help.

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why did the bear cross the road? to get cream cheese.

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U know whats worser than having a worm in your apple... Having 1352 dislikes on your anti-joke...

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what's the best way to remove leaves from a tree? take them off

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There are 2 cannibals eating a guy well one starts at the head and the other one starts at the feet the one at the head says to the other on how you doing down there and he said ohhh having a ball you!!!!

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What did the Macedonian guy say to the Croatian guy? Both of our countries are from the former Yugoslavia.

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Why did the pelican cross the road? The man did not reply because his mother recently died in a car accident while crossing the road. She also loved pelicans.

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What do the holocaust and new born babies have in common? Nothing. Except some babies are born in Germany.

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I feel like am motherf***ing stuck in this duck and it makes me wana quack like what the f**k is THAT!

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Studies prove that bald people have no hair?.

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What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be a .... The boy didn't finish his sentence because he got hit by a fridge.

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why Is the teen's sock crusty? he stepped in the glue that his little sister was using for her art project.

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Why couldn't the cat drink his milk? Because his ears were stapled to the floor.

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My father stole my mothers heart, he's in jail for murder

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How did the man eat 100 mints in one bite? I'm not sure myself, but we can agree on one thing, his breath is gonna fresh.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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