Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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Why did the asian man crash? He fell asleep after a long 18 hour day of driving, plus he was listening to soothing soul music.

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Q:Whats yellow and on the floor in the bathroom? A: A Rubber Ducky

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Why does Ray Charles always smile? Because he doesn't know he's black.

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Sam slept and never woke up again.. Because he followed his dream.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead

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Why did the clown's ballon animal pop? He was a victim in a drive by shooting.

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Q: How do you get a blonde out of a tree? A: Throw a moneky at her

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What did the student say to the teacher, after being assigned homework? This isn't my best subject, can I stay after class for tutoring?

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A man is traveling to the nearest grocery store. He stops at an intersection and notices a another car beside him. It was a black corvet. So he blew it up and the men inside of it as well. He then proceeded to call the cops as to try to cover the explosion up as if it was not his fault. Unfortunately, the police had video evidence of the incident through video surveillance and the man was arrested for life. He never got a second chance in life and eventually died a slow, painful death in the hands of cancer at the age of 91.

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A man is sitting on a park bench crying. A blonde walks by and asks him why he's sad. The man proceeds to explain he just lost his children in a custody battle with his ex wife.

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Ten black people are on the 100th floor of a 110 floor building. They are going to die because they are trapped in the World Trade Center and are leaving a very happy life with their loving families.

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A man questions wether a cat will always land on it's feet. He takes a cat from a pet store and tosses it into the air. The cat lands on it's feet. Startled, the cat runs into the street and gets hit by a car. The man goes to prison for theft and animal abuse.

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What do Gary Glitter and Michael Jackson have in common? They are both successful pop stars

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Why did the chicken cross the road? What chicken? That one! Grandma, that's a hobo. Put your glasses on.

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a man walks into a casino, it's the third time this week and he's contemplating suicide.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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what does the doctor do when he tells you you have aids? he laughs and says "hahahahahhaha sucks for you, i dont!"

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A man walked into a bar. He sat down, had a nice meal and went home relatively satisfied.

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Why is the sky blue? Because it isn't red.

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Q: What's worse? Inhaling fly spray or deodorant? A: The Holocaust

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how many poeple does it take to change a light bulb? you spelled people wrong.

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What do retards eat for lunch? Grilled Cheese

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LOVING BIRD DIEING BIRD DO NOT FLY AWAY

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops