A carpenter walks into a bar. After ordering some wine he tells the bartender that one of his 12 friends will betray him. He also says that once he was captured, the government will execute him on a wooden cross for everyone to see. The bartender in disbelief says to the man "You gotta be kiddin' me, do you think you're Jesus or something?" The man throws his glass of wine to the floor, grabs the bartender by his collar, and says "Hey man, I ordered red wine, not white wine you bastard!" After a few minutes, a group of nurses escort the insane loon back to the mental clinic. The bartender never saw the man again and proceeds to sweep that mess the psycho left on the floor.

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Im sitting in class trying to write a joke. I should be writing my speech But i'm better off trying to think of the funniest joke that could get on the front page with over 9000 likes :( Lol nah thats never going to happen :'(

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Chuck Norris was once approached by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

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A duck walked up to a lemonade stand. The owner of the stand marveled at how close such an adorable duck was to him and proceeded to sell lemonade undisturbed.

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What do you call a person who walks but doesn't run? A power walker What do you call a person who runs but doesn't walk? Someone running to the nearest bathroom holding there crotch.

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How are grapes and squirrels similar? They're both purple. Except for the squirrel.

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Q: Did you know Hellen Kellers father was a skilled craftsman? A: Neiter did she.

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The feds ruined the first underground, so in order for this to not happen you joined them?

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among liedbtt is my Captcha code

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What do you get when you eat all the potatoes? They all gone.

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Why does Shelby Like Pandora? Because she prefers rap and hip hop music and Pandora helps select songs for her to listen to according to her interests.

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There was a chicken. It squarked.

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Two Christians are on their way to church. They stay for prayers and have a lovely lunch.

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Why is a duck? Because one leg is both the same.

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how many members of the australian greens party does it take to write legislation? none, it's already been done for them by Karl Marx

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Whats the difference between a rake and a sack of dead babys? i dont have a rake in my garage.

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Yo mama's so fat that when she went to go get an x-ray, they had to use the one they have at the zoo.

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What color is Michael Jackson? Pale because he's dead.

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Why did the blond cross the road? The police officer who arrested her for shoplifting parked his car on the other side of the street.

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how many black people can you fit in a car? However many sets there are.

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my friend died in a car crash, now i have no friends.

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so a baby seal walks into a club, the bouner immedietly kicks the seal out because it is too young to be in a club and also.....itsa seal

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Whats the difference between Osama and Obama? The S is replaced with a B.

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A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park in a safe and risk free process.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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