What is annoying and uses another language? Spanish class!

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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One man calls emergency: - Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom! After five minutes, the same man calls back: - It is OK, I found another one.

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A man walks into a bar, and he died.

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roses are red violets are green id love to flick owen cliffords mams bean

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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How did the car get a dent? Terrorists bombed the house next to it

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Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue If it wasnt for christmas We would all be jewish.

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what do you call a blind man who buys a caller i.d.? handicapped

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A man walks into a bar. He then says "ow".

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Person 1: So now that were friends on facebook, you wanna hang out? Person 2: No I'd rather not.

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KNOCK KNOCK whos there Malcom i dont know any Malcom go away!

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If there are four gay men that come into a bar and need to sit down when all you have is one stool; what do you do? Get three more stools.

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so today, i was walking along, and i noticed that it was sunny outside.

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Drew Knowles is gay

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Your mamas so old that she sat next to Jesus in kindergarten?

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i get knocked down, but i don't get up again. my leg is broken and therefore makes it extremely difficult for me to stand up on my own.

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What do you get when you cross Skyrim and Call of Duty? A video game that has similarities to Skyrim and Call of Duty.

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Katy Perry

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what do you call a white man in a black neighborhood a minority

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A guy says to a palm reader "You look like you've seen a ghost. Palm reader replies "You've got cum on your hand."

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Yo' Mommas so poor, She has to ask close family friends and relatives for money so she can feed you.

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Why did a little kid's mom let go of his hand? John Wilks Booth shot her

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The President walks into a local pub. Everyone shits their fricken pants because the President is here.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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