What is mary short for? Mary had an accident with a semi-truck and had to get both of her legs amputated.

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Repeat after me... I'matote ulbu twad Now say that all together Im a total butt wad

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a drunk man got 3 beers and a 5 whiskys

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Why did the blonde walk into the bar? To get a beer.

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Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to screw in a dog house, if your parents are a washing machine and a dryer? A: Trick Question, dog houses can't fly!

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Why isn't Michael Jackson good at chess? Because he's dead.

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What's the opposite of a joke? An anti-joke. You're reading one right now.

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So a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. They order some wine and have an enjoyable evening.

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Why is the boy sad? He was getting bullied so he later on talked to a teacher and the bully and him settled their differences. The bullied boy still wishes the bully to go to hell.

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What do you call a latino with a limp? John...his name is John

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Why did Daniel Nitz cross the road during rush hour? Because he's an idiot.

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Why is the interesting goat so talented at chess? He's Bobby Fischer's dad.

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How do you shock a child? Attach a metal pole to them while there is a storm

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What's worse than getting a bruise? AIDS.

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How do you make a baby fit in a bottle? Blender.

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A man died. What was his name? Phil. His name was Phil.

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How many Azheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side!

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A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver come in a gulp the guys drink down The man starts crying the lorry driver says"don't cry I will buy you another" The guy says "it's not that: Today I woke up late for work and when I finally got there my boss fired me so I get in my car to go home and it wont start so I walk home while it's raining and when I got in I found that my wife was sleeping with the gardener so I came down here and asked for some poison and you went and drank it"

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why is walmart so big? Years ago a man named Sam Walton had a vision for one stop shopping and affordable low prices. And it goes without saying that being a one stop shop must mean you have a lot of inventory thus the size of walmart is a lot larger to hold and support the increased mass of inventory that a typical person should or could ever possibly need all in one place.

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What do you say to a black man driving a car? Taxi

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A man wearing dark sunglasses walks into a convenience store with a dog on a leash. He goes to the middle of the store, and he starts swinging the dog around over his head by the leash. The store clerk comes over and asks, "what are you doing?" The man replies, "Ajiohskdcojqpowuskncvlkzb" Not knowing what else to do, the clerk calls 911. It turns out the man's name is Ruprict, and he has escaped from the local mental institution. A police officer shortly arrives to bring Ruprict back to the hospital.

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What do you call a gynochologist named John? John

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what's longer than my shlong? .... nothing

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When life gives you lemons, you must also have a proportionally sufficient amount of both water and sugar in order to make lemonade.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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