sir ya look like ron weasly hhahahahaha LEL

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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so....a guy is sitting on the couch looking out his living room window and a cab pulls up and honks..he says to himself, "wow that was quick, i just called for the cab 5 minutes ago!"

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Where did Suzie go after the explosion? Everywhere.

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what do u call a black guy who sells drugs a pharmacist

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All the kids at school we're playing soccer on a sunny day except Jenny, because she had a headache and didn't come to school that day

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Q: what did the old man do to the little boy in his dark cellar while babysitting on a stormy night? A: told him to hold a flashlight because the power went out and he needed to find his electric generator.

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What did Steve Hagen say to Steve Walters? "We have the same first name."

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Why did the Elf stab the Gnome? Because I was on a bad acid trip.

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Rush Limbaugh

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Why didn't the boy go to the bathroom? His mother was taking a well deserved bath.

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what is orange and sounds like a parrot a carrot

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms and she was blind.

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A guy wearing a top hat walks into a bar. He says, "Ow."

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LET'S PLAY CARDS SHUFFLE THE DECK *person with a deck-patio* no please don't

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Whats white and goes up? a confused snowflake

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have to go to the bathroom.

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Studies prove that bald people have no hair?.

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If gluttony is a serious sin, why are so many Christians fat? Because they have bad eating habits.

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How high is the sky? True or False

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What do you get if you cross a motorway with a lawnmower? Killed.

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Rose are brown, Violets are brown, Who keeps pooping in my garden?

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A Mexican got stopped by the police. Turns out it was a mistake and the man lived a happy life in America

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Detroit has a low crime rate

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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