Why did the student fall asleep during class? He was very tried from staying up too late.

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Why was Little Billy crying? He had cancer. Why was Little Sally crying? Little Billy's cancer was contagious.

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My grandmother just called to tell me she was dying................. to have sex with me.

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Why didn't the TV turn on? Nobody switched it on.

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Did you know Helen Keller has a pool? no oh well she does.

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What is white and shaped like a refrigerator? A refrigerator.

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How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

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Why couldn't the immigrant who was brand new to America hold a conversation with anyone? He was mute.

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Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

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Knock knock? Who's there? Why don't you answer the damn door and find out for yourself?

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What did Helen Keller say to her friend? Nothing. If you didn't know, she was deaf and blind so she had to use Sign Language.

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Why was the student late for class? Because paraplegics can't drive.

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Scientists have discovered that the state of your hunger can affect what you say. For example, whether you choose to say ‘I’m hungry,’ or, ‘I’m not hungry,’ is based upon how hungry you are.

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What do you put your key on? A key chain.

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What does "Fiat" stand for? "Fabbrica Italiana Automobili Torino."

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what do u say when u steal something? STOLEN!!!!!!!!!

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Q: what's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon A: well the first noticable difference is that the watermelon tastes better.

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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: A sad, unfortunate dog.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Skeletons neither have muscles nor brains to control any muscles and therefor cannot transport themselves across a road or any stretch of land for that matter.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Red, Everything is Red, I have a retinal hemorrhage

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how do you call a big red creature eating rocks? the big red rock eating creature.

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What is in the center of our galaxy? Some stars, space, and nebula.

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How do you piss off a gypsy? Curse at him

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What did one blind person say to the other? Nothing. He is also mute.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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