Why was Billy no mates? He had no friends.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, and so do I.

What is worse than losing your phone charger... Being viciously raped by a group of angry vegans feminist mad at you for eating a burger, while walking out of Hooters.

A black man walks into a bar and he orders a margarita. The bartender says that the margaritas are exceptionally delicious in this bar. He was right.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Um...thats impossible because chickens live on farms theyre are no roads....

Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.

What's green and invisible? Nothing; green and all other colours of the rainbow have wavelengths that occur specifically in the visible range of the electromagnetic spectrum. Therefore any invisible object cannot be green.

your mom.

A priest walks into a drug den, most people would say this is pretty contradictory to his implied beliefs.

Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

What do you call a mexican who steals toasters? A mexican toaster thief.

A squirrel asks an apple where is the nearest gas station. The apple doesn't reply.

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Frostbite

What does an elephant and a grape have in common? One of them is purple.

I dont think i could ever stab someone, I can barely get a straw through a capri sun

There are two jews in an oven. One says "It sure is hot in here" and the other says "AHH A TALKING JEW"

Why was Helen Keller depressed? She was deaf and blind.

Roses are Red, Violets are Red, Everything is Red, I have a retinal hemorrhage

I was gonna make a gay joke but those are insensitive, and gays have feelings like everyone else

A: What does MC Hammer like? B: Big Butts. A: Can he lie? B: No.

Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn't she get up? She had no legs. Why did noone help her up? She was fat.

How long can penguins hold their breath underwater? Long enough for you to eat a baby and then cover for it.

Why did the 2 black kids jump the barb-wired fence To get to the other side

How do you find the richest person in Mexico? You take a survey of all citizens that live in the country of Mexico, find the wealth of each individual person, and whoever has the most money is the richest person in Mexico.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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