A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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What do you call a Middle Eastern man flying a plane? A pilot

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What's worse than a crying baby on a trans-Atlantic flight? A hungry lion on a trans-Atlantic flight.

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Roses are red, Violets aren't. This doesn't make sense. Potatoes and brown.

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An Irishman, a Zimbabwean and a South African walk into a bar... oh wait, it's just the English cricket team.

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Ever heard of carpel tunnel? Well after that girl it was more like carpal toungal

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Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm? Biting into another apple and finding the other half

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What's the difference between a bowling ball and guacamole? The guacamole is delicious with chips, and the bowling ball is just a bowling ball.

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There was a bunch of kids on a bus. One boy yelled "Look a squirrel!" Nobody saw it because he's dyslexic

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Chuck Norris will die sometime in the future.

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"My father walked out on me." "Oh that's strange because I saw him yesterday and he had no legs."

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What rude names do you call a girl with no limbs? Anything you want they can't touch you

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4501 3346 1687 2292 david0209. never do this.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead

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Yo mama so fat she runs the risk of stroke, heart disease, or diabetes

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What do you do when you see a black man with half a head? Stop laughing and reload

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why did javonne choose club getaway madonna wanted to foster

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What's worse than being short? Being a Tutsi in 1994.

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What happened when the boy got caught with his hand in the cookie jar? He gets shot in the face by Santa.

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Yo mama is so fat that she has to eat low calorie foods because she wants to lose weight.

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knock knock come in

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead become stranded on a desert island. As they are searching for food and shelter, they come across a mystical-looking lamp. They rub the lamp, but nothing happens because genies don't exist.

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apple was gonna make a smaller ipod for kids but decided not to because they didnt want the name to be itouch kids.

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Q. Which is longer ... a rope ?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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