What did the grizzly bears have for lunch? Fish and tourists.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Q: Where did Sarah go when the bomb exploded? A: Everywhere.

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A: What did the orphan get for christmas? Q: Nothing she doesn't have any parents

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fava beans

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What kind of drug did the cops catch the alligator with? None. They were going to use a tranquiliser dart, but SPCA intervened and simply held the alligator's mouth shut while they loaded it into a secure cage.

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Why did the man say "huh?" Because he didn't hear what they said.

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Whats worse then biting into an apple and finding a worm? Having a Hippo give you head.

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What does the Bill in Bill Clinton stand for? Bilious.

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An asian woman was driving along the freeway one day when a police officer pulled her over and arrested her, The officer arrested her because she had killed her husband 5 years ago and she thought she had gotten away with it.

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What is worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into your grandmother and finding a fish

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Q: Where does the queen of england live? A: This was the question I had to anwser to be able to post this joke.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? The Mexican blind cave tetra (Astyanax mexicanus).

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Whats Pink and fluffy? Yellow fluff thats been dyed pink :D

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Three black men walk into a gas station and don't steal anything.

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What's a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick

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Ok so im on antijoke.com and they tell me i can write my own joke... so i did.

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Whats blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.

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What's worse than rotten eggs? Being dead.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Sunflowers are yellow And daisies can be a wide variety of colours.

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What did the farmer say after the chicken started talking? Holy shit a talking chicken.

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A man walks into a bar with a chicken on his head the bartender asks the man why do you have a chicken on your head the man replies the chicken is thirsty

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Who looks like Justin bieber, and is really cool? Justin Bieber, but I lied about him being cool.

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Two muffins were in a microwave. One muffin said, 'It's getting hot in here." What did the other muffin say? Nothing, muffins can't talk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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