What do you call an armless legless man swimming? Dead

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Your momma is so fat that she's developed a cardiovascular disease and has 5 weeks to live

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My wife is so fat that I find her unattractive.

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Pickles

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Knock! Knock! Who's there? Russel. Russell who? Russell Johnson. Oh, come in.

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A devout Islamic man walks into a weapons of mass destruction store he is shocked and appalled at how easily such dangerous weapons can be bought.

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When would you find a Mexican, Asian, Black and white guy hanging out? Never

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what happens on labor day? the day she has a baby... ya your having a kid

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Once a upon of time, cow said chicken go cluck. Years later, mustard was like a ketchup. I said it was good. Oh yea baby. It was a good day.

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One day a duck was swimming on the lake and sees an alligator. The alligator says "You will be my next victim." The duck says "Quack."

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What did the rabbi say to the Muslim? I don't know I wasnt there. But it probably had something to do with their varying religions.

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What did the red fish say to the blue fish? Nothing fish can't talk.

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why couldn't jimmy play on the swings at recess.. Because he's been dead for 5 years

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A woman is hit by a car. Thankfully she manages to survive, but the driver is fined a lot of money for speeding.

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Ask me what my name is. What's your name. My name is Jeff.

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A young penguin walks into a bar with tears streaming down his face. "Whats wrong with you?" asks the barman. "I've lost my Dad", says the Penguin. The barman asks, "What's he look like?"

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Guy: Roses are red, violets are blue, you're beautiful and sexy too. Girl: Roses are red violets are blue, how many girls have you told that to? Guy:... Girl: Exactly.

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Two cows are sitting in a bathtub. One cow says please pass the soap. The other cow says nothing, cause it's a cow, making it incapable if speech. The other cow was just a guy in a cow costume.

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Man goes to the doctors, He waits patiently in the waiting room for nine minutes and is then called in to see the doctor for a routine check up. After seeing the doctor he picks up his sisters kid from school and carries on with his day.

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Man 1: my wife has lovley perfume. She smells like a peppermint cream. Man 2: Yeah, I know, I spent eight hours shagging her last night.

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What did the lampshade say to the other lampshade? Nothing they sat in silence

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Why did the skeleton not get invited to the party? because he was dead

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What's white and can't climb trees? A fridge

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Knock knock Who's there? A Jehovahs Witness

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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