Tom: Knock knock! Guy: Who's there? Tom: Carrot. Guy: Impossible.

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Little Jack Horner sat in a corner, Dead.

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? Physics. Why did Tommy fall of his bike? He was hit by 3 monkeys and a refrigerator.

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(To the pretty girl at the bar) "Was your father a thief? Because I really would like to have sexual intercourse with you."

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Why did Carl the cat die? he didnt. he's still alive.

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i like punching orphans in the face, you wanna know why? what are they gonna do? tell their parents???

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Pianos.

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What's big fat and ugly? A monster

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How can you tell if an elepant has been in your refrigerator? It has been destroyed.

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Whats white and sticky? Glue.

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Wanna hear a dirty joke? ... A boy played in mud.

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Why did Billy kill Joey? Joey had sex with Billy's wife... and Billy wanted revenge.

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What is red and has two legs? Half a cat.

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When life gives you lemons, squirt the juice in life's eyes. Then life won't trust you with lemons.

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Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Let's go ride bikes!

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. -Knock Knock. -Who's there? -Not Sally.

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What did one ginger say to the other? W are both gingers.

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what does 1 out of 15 people get cancer

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A thought for the day: Life is like a game of chess. In the constant struggle for power, control and safe positions it makes no difference whether one plays white or black. As long as everything is planned and one stays a few moves ahead, everything will work out. Just don't annoy the queen, or she may send some very irate knights to fork you or a bishop to flank you. [L]

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Q: If you are debating whether to smoke marijuana, consider: what will your mother say when she finds your corpse? A: As a relatively harmless and non-addictive substance, Marijuana was most likely not the cause of my child’s death. It was probably AIDS.

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What's the difference between me and an animal? I'm human

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Three gay men are in a bath tub and bubbles come up and one says "who farted?"

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What did the asian say to the President of the United States? I don't speak English

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a baby in your closet.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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