Q: Where did Sarah go when the bomb exploded? A: Everywhere.

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Why couldn't the immigrant who was brand new to America hold a conversation with anyone? He was mute.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Dig a big hole in your front yard and wait next to it so when people walk by they'll ask "Why is there a hole in your front yard?" to whcih you will reply "I don't know. Do you wanna play Monopoly?"

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What's red and can't speak ? A strawberry

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What did the grizzly bears have for lunch? Fish and tourists.

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Why did the boy cry? His Parents died.

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Why did the Asian man have to sit down to pee? Because he had no legs.

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Why did the elephant cross the road? It escaped the zoo.

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Whats brown and sticky? - A brown stick.

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I can't submit this joke because I got the captcha wrong

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what did the duck with roller skates say to the camel? how are the wife and kids?

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Why did the chicken not make it across the road? Because he got hit by a transport.

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What body part do you shave other than your balls? My fridge.

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What happened to the man who bought his son a birthday gift? He eventually was robbed and shot in the face

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A horse walks into a barn.. The farmer says "why the long face?",This frightens the horse ultimately leads to the farmer getting kicked in the teeth

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What did the black guy say when after he jumped in the pool? Wow, its kinda chilly.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Can you sign for this package? Certainly

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why did hitler hate the jews... because the nazies had to pay the gas bill

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What's the difference between Tom and Jerry? One is a cat, and the other is a mouse.

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Q. how does james bond like his babies A.shaken not stirred but if u think thats bad wait till u see a stirred baby

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What did the T-Rex say to the chicken? Nothing. First of all because the Tyrannousaurus Rex has been extinct for over 65 million years and secondly because Tyrannousaurus Rex's and chickens are both animals of lower intelligence so they cannot talk to one another.

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A Native American walks into a casino. He wants to invest a protion of his earnings from his fortune 500 company into it because he believes it to be a profitable venture.

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The first few weeks of joining weight-watchers...you're just finding your feet.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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