I like to thumb up my own jokes.

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Yeah, haha, I tend to put myself under a state of trance at the same time I put others down there, which makes it difficult to stop it sometimes, I do it for ethical reasons, I mean if I would ever hypnotize someone into feeling really bad, it would affect me as well. You might want to get some water on your face, you know, so your upper lips don't envy the lower ones.

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What do u call a joke with no punchline? An anti-joke

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Knock knock Who's there? The police, your son just died of terroristic bombing.

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A person affected by Alzheimer's is asked a knock knock question- Knock Knock Who's there? Boo Wait what are we doing again?

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Why do Asian men love noodles? Noodles are delicious!

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How do you scare a little boy? You tell him everyone he loves was shot to death by you and then kick his guardian .

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K O O K A B U R R A . . . . . . . . . . ReTweet

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Why doesn't Andy wanna bend over to puck something up? That's how he got assraped!

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How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles? Pick it up and put it in a crib, like a responsible parent.

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I don't usually drink beer, but when I do it usually doesn't take much for me to feel the effects of intoxication.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares, it's a chicken.

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Many people believe that dogs are mammals. They're right

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Johnny: I saw you long time ago. You were quite the school clown back in the day. Boy I remember back when I was just a whipper snapper we used play around and goof around all day. Whatdya think? Richard: Shut up, motherfuckingbitch

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Guess what Timmy got for Christmas, Nothing, Timmy has no parents, he's an orphan.

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Women's rights

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a naked man walks into a bar the police arrived 10 minutes

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(Knocks on Helen Keller's door) You: Knock knock Helen:....

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I f**ked your mom last night. Will you marry me?

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why did the man die? Because he was robbing a bank and police used lethal weapons By- the duck

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Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

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There was a golfer at the field where people usually golf. he had a golf club. so did the man next to him. The man i spoke of first hit the guy that was next to him with a golf club. Why? because he was angry at the man for shoving socks down his daughters throat and extracted her eyes with a melon scooper. This should not be humorous, the girl got blood and eye juice on her fathers new shoes when she came home.

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What did the worm a fisherman used to catch fish called when the worm killed a trout? Master Bate.

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My brother found a worm in his apple. I dared him to eat it, so he did. When he tried to swallow, the mashed up worm congealed in his throat, killing him. Later, I found out that the worm had poisonous rectum fluids. I was given the Nobel Peace prize.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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