How did the man die? He was killed alive.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I like my coffee like i like my women, blonde with big boobs.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Three midgets walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer, the second one orders whiskey, and the third one ordered water because all three of them had agreed that he would be the designated driver that night.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A kid walks into a bar, everyone fled the bar because they were all afraid of goats

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What can be smooth but also rough? Endoplasmic Reticulum

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Beans, beans, the magical fruit. The more you eat, the more you have consumed.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Haikus are simple but sometimes they don't make sense refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What has straight black lines and is square? A refferee.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What part of a vegetable are you not supposed to eat? His wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's worst than a worm in your apple? Finding your mom in a porno.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: How do you make Kobie Bryant cry? A: Kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A: Why did the chicken cross the road? B: Why? A: If I knew I wouldn't be asking you.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I walk in to a bar, ask for a beer, get drunk, walk away and.... hmmm.. how could I finish the joke??..

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's worse then failing a math test? Your mom getting shot

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

If anything is possible try to staple water to a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

( . Y . )

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's worse than having you're leg fall asleep? Getting Polio

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? Fuck.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What can kill you when it falls out of a tree? Anything of a considerable weight actually.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

why did the squirrel cross the road? -because it was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the rugby post say to the tree? Good evening George!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops