I was on Skype with a girl yesterday and she asked "Do you want to see something?" "No," I said "my mom's in the room and she might get a bad interpretation." "I really want you to see this." She said. " No, my mom's still in the room, she'll think I'm weird if you turn out the lights." "Darn I really wanted to see your glow in the dark snuggie."

thumb_up thumb_down -17

If Michelle rides her bike at 15 mph for 20 minutes and Erik rides his bike at 20 mph for 12 minutes, why is Michelle not in the kitchen?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

69

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did single women didn't want any babies for? because of Ice Ice Baby.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Knock knock. Who's there?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the one friend hate the other friend? Because the one friend didnt do a map for social studies he should've done and skipped school for that class and when he came back, the other friend told the social studies teacher he was here and he had to turn in an unfinished poster and now he is a crybaby bitch about it.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q: If Elvis was alive today, what would he crave the most? A: Brains. Moral: BRAAAAAAAAAAAINS!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Doctor: I'm sorry about your disease, young man. It looks like your time is up. Man: NO! How much time to I have? Doctor: Five. Man: Five years? Five months? Five weeks? Doctor: Four... Three...

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q: What do you call a person with no arms and no legs ??? A: Stumpy

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What does a dishwasher and the holocaust have in common? Not much.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A women was driving along in her brand new, swanky, red ferrari when she spotted a red light in the distance. She stopped steadily, following the rules of the road. All of a sudden a loud bang came from behind her where a young driver had hit her at 50 mph. They both come to an abrupt stop and exited their vehicles. The women says "Idiot, you just hit me!" The boys says "oh don't worry, I have insurance."

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Not from my wife if that is what you think, but its best people dont know who she is, because you know... A guy that gets many ladies = A playa. A girl that lets his guy do that, well, my wife feels safe about her husband (I am dead honest), but I cant expect people to suddenly go "oh yeah, his wife is totally cool and secure about it all, rather than an insecure idiot that allows him to sleep around like the dog he is) Strictly spoken, I am no dog, women say all men are pigs, but no woman settles for a boy, so that makes me a pig.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's green and black? Grass with wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Joe has 30 candy bars and eats 25. What does john have now? DIABETIES. Joe has diabeties. Please comment!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Niggas be like you ugly and you playing hard to get, yo ass already hard to want!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

knock knock whose there? i don't know...

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q: What's worse than getting hit by a bus? A: Herpes, AIDS, Diarrhea, Constipation, Castration, Super Herpes, or the song "Friday."

thumb_up thumb_down -17

what is worse than falling off a bridge? .. getting pushed off a bridge

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the jews get off the bus? Because i threw a fridge at it

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What happened to the couple that got married? They went on their honeymoon.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the little girl fall off of her bike? Because she didn’t have any arms. like your mom

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Roses are cars, violets are rude, this poem makes no sense, neither do you

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the asbestos cross the road? Because it was being removed from an elementary school due to the fact that asbestos is an air pollutant which is regulated under section 112 of the Clean Air Act of 1970.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A man goes in to a town on Friday, stays there for 3 days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible? He's lying,

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops