There's two sausages in a pan.. One says "Wow it's hot in here" The other says... "agrhhh a talking sausage"

thumb_up thumb_down -25

How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb?? None it is physically impossible

thumb_up thumb_down -25

what is red, yellow, green, blue, purple, and violet? Blood i lied about the other colors...

thumb_up thumb_down -25

How do you kill a blonde? There are a variety of methods, but I prefer a fine mix of insecure clowns and pepto-bismol.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Son : daddy ,I got punished in school today. Dad :why? Son: My teacher pointed the scale towards me saying -"At the end of this scale there is an idiot"..... I just asked "WHICH END ?.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What do a grape and an airplane have in common? They both have wings! except not the grape.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the car? Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

So 2 guys are curious if there is baseball I heaven... So they say when either of them dies they have to come back as a spirit and tell the other man if there is baseball in heaven One of the guys dies and comes back as a spirit... He comes to the other man and says... I've got some good news and some bad news The man says what's the the good news? The spirit says the good news is there is baseball in heaven So the man says what's the bad news?? The spirit says... Your pitching Tuesday night!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A horse walks into a convenience store. He grabs a pack of gum, pays the man at the counter, and walks out.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A carpenter walks into a bar. After ordering some wine he tells the bartender that one of his 12 friends will betray him. He also says that once he was captured, the government will execute him on a wooden cross for everyone to see. The bartender in disbelief says to the man "You gotta be kiddin' me, do you think you're Jesus or something?" The man throws his glass of wine to the floor, grabs the bartender by his collar, and says "Hey man, I ordered red wine, not white wine you bastard!" After a few minutes, a group of nurses escort the insane loon back to the mental clinic. The bartender never saw the man again and proceeds to sweep that mess the psycho left on the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A priest, a rabbi and a shaman walk into a bar. Except there is no rabbi and there is no shaman and the bar is actually my 8th birthday party priest is molesting me. And the priest is my dad. My dad molested me. A lot...

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Knock knock Who's there Knock knock Who's there Knock knock Who's there Never mind

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Jesse is so fat, his weight on his scale says " hahaha gotta love childhood obesity"

thumb_up thumb_down -25

There's a black man and a mexican in a car who's driving ? The black man because the mexican is intoxicated and they both want to prevent serious injury or death

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What the heck are you gonna do if you're on a picnic and have an ice cream and then the ants crawl on the ice cream, what are you gonna do? You're gonna eat the ants because it's made out of protein.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A farmer hears a knock at the door on a rainy night. He opens the door and welcomes an attractive young man in. The farmer gets his budding teenage daughter to fetch the man a towel. He dries himself off, thanks them both, and goes to bed. He's gone before anyone else wakes up and leaves a fifty on the table.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Once upon of time there was 2 boys named Bucky and Thorn. They were best of friends and always came up with amusing adventures. So one day, during summer time before high school senior year, Bucky and Thorn went to go hiking on the mountain called Mt. Saint Lasik. It was the tallest mountain of the city. The city was called "The City of Dreams" because everyone had a dream that one day they will accomplish their goals. Well Bucky had a goal and his goal was to be the youngest to ever climb the mountain. However, Thorn was jealous because he as 11 toes. Since he can't hike they decided to go camping at Walala National Park. One day they saw a big huge bear named Pervus. Pervus told them that they were not allowed to be there. Thorn told Pervus to shut the hell up because he can't hike mountains. A girl came suddenly showed up. It was a girl named Sally. She was half black, white, Spanish, ad French, and she could sweet talk bears. Pervus said "Now it's time to boogey woogey woogey" and began dancing like a maniac. Police arrived. Officer Caleb Johnson was in the scene to investigate. "Where were you at the night of April 24th?" To which Bucky replied "To what do I owe pleasure of speaking?" Harry, his front door neighbor stole the cop car and drove off to New Guinea. God knows how or why Harry showed up. Coincidentally, Sally decided it was time to leave. Everyone left utterly confused. The End.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

I also wanted to write a joke but I forgot it so here I am. Minecraft rocks and everyone who says otherwise is a noob

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Q: why did the plain crash A: the driver is a loaf of bread

thumb_up thumb_down -25

I hear eating an apple a day keeps the other apples in check.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

what would you get if you combined a sixth grader with a machine gun? A homophobe

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Did You Hear about the Black Guy That went to College?....Neither Did I...

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What do you call a dear with no eyes? no eyed dear what do you call a dear with no head? dead!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Q. How do you know when you've had too much too drink? A. Your dead(No because when your dead you can't think.)

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops